You can fib a fair amount of the time
Without it being considered a crime
But do not lie
To the FBI.
You tell them a story that sounds sort of hokey
And next thing you know, you’re locked in the pokey.
Tuesday, October 31, 2017
Monday, October 30, 2017
What You Will
I had a million monkeys hitting keys.
One of them typed “Two bees or not two bees.”
I fired him for being such a tease.
One of them typed “Two bees or not two bees.”
I fired him for being such a tease.
Sunday, October 29, 2017
50k Report
I ran the Chicago Lakefront 50k yesterday. I've run it before, several times, but never on its Northside route.
It's a no-frills, low-budget, low-cost race. 50k is 31 miles, and here's how they layout the course: They mark a 5 1/6 mile stretch along the lakefront. You run out-and-back once, you've run 10 1/3 miles. You run out-and-back two more times, you've run 31 miles. Simplicity itself, right? You get a 31 mile course from a 5 mile stretch of path. And you only need 3 aid stations - 1 at each end, and 1 in the middle.
It was a chilly day, and I was running in the wrong shoes. I had accidentally left my Hokas at home on the dining room floor, so I ran in my Altras, which I used to run in back in 2016. So I have various excuses for running the course slowly. But I think I came in just under 7 hours, and that was my goal.
At one point, I looked over to the lake and there was a retriever dog swimming in the water, an orange toy in its mouth. It was playing fetch with its owner.
I thought I had a cold hard slog,
But I was glad I wasn't that dog.
It's a no-frills, low-budget, low-cost race. 50k is 31 miles, and here's how they layout the course: They mark a 5 1/6 mile stretch along the lakefront. You run out-and-back once, you've run 10 1/3 miles. You run out-and-back two more times, you've run 31 miles. Simplicity itself, right? You get a 31 mile course from a 5 mile stretch of path. And you only need 3 aid stations - 1 at each end, and 1 in the middle.
It was a chilly day, and I was running in the wrong shoes. I had accidentally left my Hokas at home on the dining room floor, so I ran in my Altras, which I used to run in back in 2016. So I have various excuses for running the course slowly. But I think I came in just under 7 hours, and that was my goal.
At one point, I looked over to the lake and there was a retriever dog swimming in the water, an orange toy in its mouth. It was playing fetch with its owner.
I thought I had a cold hard slog,
But I was glad I wasn't that dog.
Saturday, October 28, 2017
Thursday, October 26, 2017
Reflections
"Residents of a Georgia neighborhood said their car mirrors are being targeted by a relentless vandal -- a woodpecker."
Attacking a mirror
May indicate
That your appearance
Isn’t great
Attacking a mirror
May indicate
That your appearance
Isn’t great
Wednesday, October 25, 2017
Cosmic
From The Independent:
"Our universe shouldn't exist, scientists say. The most elite scientists in the world are still struggling to find why exactly our universe didn't destroy itself as soon as it came into existence. That's what science says should have happened – but it clearly hasn't, since you're here reading this, as far as we know."
Despite annoying scientists,
The Universe itself insists:
It’s simply true that it exists.
"Our universe shouldn't exist, scientists say. The most elite scientists in the world are still struggling to find why exactly our universe didn't destroy itself as soon as it came into existence. That's what science says should have happened – but it clearly hasn't, since you're here reading this, as far as we know."
Despite annoying scientists,
The Universe itself insists:
It’s simply true that it exists.
Tuesday, October 24, 2017
Marathon Mistakes
From Wisconsin:
For the second year in a row, the distance for the PNC Milwaukee Marathon has been wrong. Last year, the marathon course was measured too long... This year, the marathon course fell short.
Best of all, both years they used the same guys to measure the course. Third time's the charm!
The measurement mistake is a small thing, but it can mess up the life of those who are trying to qualify for the Boston Marathon.
Now for a bigger thing, from Italy:
"Italian Runner Wins Venice Marathon After All The Favorites Take A Wrong Turn"
The favorites - a bunch of Kenyans who were leading the race - took a wrong turn because they were following a guide motorcycle - who took a wrong turn. So this Eritrean-born Italian stays on course and wins.
If I had a suspicious mind, having watched too many Godfather movies, I might begin to wonder how that motorbike went astray.
Why did the Italian win?
Could it be the fix was in?
For the second year in a row, the distance for the PNC Milwaukee Marathon has been wrong. Last year, the marathon course was measured too long... This year, the marathon course fell short.
Best of all, both years they used the same guys to measure the course. Third time's the charm!
The measurement mistake is a small thing, but it can mess up the life of those who are trying to qualify for the Boston Marathon.
Now for a bigger thing, from Italy:
"Italian Runner Wins Venice Marathon After All The Favorites Take A Wrong Turn"
The favorites - a bunch of Kenyans who were leading the race - took a wrong turn because they were following a guide motorcycle - who took a wrong turn. So this Eritrean-born Italian stays on course and wins.
If I had a suspicious mind, having watched too many Godfather movies, I might begin to wonder how that motorbike went astray.
Why did the Italian win?
Could it be the fix was in?
Monday, October 23, 2017
Ugh
There's a piece in today's WSJ (behind-a-paywall) puzzling over how to solve the problem of violent protesters showing up when someone like Richard Spencer (a quasi-Nazi) comes to talk at a public university.
The problem, from the author's point of view, is the expense.
But... what if we just started expelling violent protesters? Or, better yet, arresting them and trying them? I bet it would cut down on the expense.
Quasi-Nazis are a despicable crew,
But communist mobs are detestable too.
The problem, from the author's point of view, is the expense.
But... what if we just started expelling violent protesters? Or, better yet, arresting them and trying them? I bet it would cut down on the expense.
Quasi-Nazis are a despicable crew,
But communist mobs are detestable too.
Sunday, October 22, 2017
Universal Sole Trail Race
Friday, October 20, 2017
Thursday, October 19, 2017
Cult Alert
The NY Times has a story about a twisted version of a self-help cult:
'To gain admission, they were required to give their recruiter — or “master,” as she was called — naked photographs or other compromising material and were warned that such “collateral” might be publicly released if the group’s existence were disclosed.'
That's bad enough, but the headline is the part where women voluntarily submitted to being branded with some symbol based on the founder's initials.
There can be strength in the psychological maneuver known as "surrendering to a higher power" - if that higher power is worthy. As in, for example, exiting Denial and surrendering to the Truth.
But if the higher power is more demonic than divine, then what comes next will be a disaster.
Look your ideal in the eye
And decide
Does it truly deserve
To be held up high?
'To gain admission, they were required to give their recruiter — or “master,” as she was called — naked photographs or other compromising material and were warned that such “collateral” might be publicly released if the group’s existence were disclosed.'
That's bad enough, but the headline is the part where women voluntarily submitted to being branded with some symbol based on the founder's initials.
There can be strength in the psychological maneuver known as "surrendering to a higher power" - if that higher power is worthy. As in, for example, exiting Denial and surrendering to the Truth.
But if the higher power is more demonic than divine, then what comes next will be a disaster.
Look your ideal in the eye
And decide
Does it truly deserve
To be held up high?
Wednesday, October 18, 2017
Low Overhead
Poetry’s the cheapest art.
A pen, a paper, and a heart
Are common things, it’s true.
And if your memory.’s good enough,
You don’t need any writing stuff;
The heart alone will do.
A pen, a paper, and a heart
Are common things, it’s true.
And if your memory.’s good enough,
You don’t need any writing stuff;
The heart alone will do.
Tuesday, October 17, 2017
Induction
So now I know why in Hollywood movies it's so frequently the corporate executive who is the hypocritical villain.
Because, in the world that the writers know
It seems to be frequently so.
Because, in the world that the writers know
It seems to be frequently so.
Don’t Take a Spill
I was reading about an annual race, in Buenos Aires, for people who wait tables. You race-walk holding a tray with a couple of bottles, trying to get to the finish first - without dropping anything.
Waiters who cannot wait
To deliver their trays with bottles,
Walk at a blistering rate,
Sliding open their throttles.
Waiters who cannot wait
To deliver their trays with bottles,
Walk at a blistering rate,
Sliding open their throttles.
Saturday, October 14, 2017
Numbers
I read today there were 1,500 portapotties at the Chicago Marathon. Lots of those were at the start/finish.
And there were about 40,000 runners.
Somehow, it seemed like there was always a line, particularly during the race. So my strategy from the beginning was not to over-hydrate.
Because I had a goal time and I had no certainty of making it!
When your goal is four fifty-nine
And all the minutes count,
Three people ahead in a line
Seems like a big amount.
And there were about 40,000 runners.
Somehow, it seemed like there was always a line, particularly during the race. So my strategy from the beginning was not to over-hydrate.
Because I had a goal time and I had no certainty of making it!
When your goal is four fifty-nine
And all the minutes count,
Three people ahead in a line
Seems like a big amount.
Thursday, October 12, 2017
Organized
So, where was the Screen Actors Guild
During all this stink?
I take it they're not as strong a union
As you might think.
During all this stink?
I take it they're not as strong a union
As you might think.
Exposure
Complicit hypocrites preaching
The higher moral sense
Is a form of overreaching
As old as recorded events.
The higher moral sense
Is a form of overreaching
As old as recorded events.
Wednesday, October 11, 2017
Proof of LIfe
Bureaucracy has trouble admitting to mistakes:
"Spanish woman wants to open up grave to prove she's alive"
Why open a grave? I really would hope,
No matter what the computer said,
You could prove she's alive with a good stethoscope.
"Yep, your heart's beating. I guess you're not dead."
"Spanish woman wants to open up grave to prove she's alive"
Why open a grave? I really would hope,
No matter what the computer said,
You could prove she's alive with a good stethoscope.
"Yep, your heart's beating. I guess you're not dead."
Tuesday, October 10, 2017
It Happened Just Now
When an ambulance goes by, wailing,
It's mostly never-failing:
My lab lifts up her jowls
And lets out ghostly howls.
It's mostly never-failing:
My lab lifts up her jowls
And lets out ghostly howls.
Monday, October 09, 2017
Dog Home Again
So that big dog I corralled on Saturday, turns out to be a Canary Mastiff, also known as a Perro de Presa Canario. He lives about 3 blocks away from me. He is back with his family.
A number of people thought he was a mixed breed, but he turns out to be a rare breed.
I liked that massive dog, so I am delighted,
That mastiff and master now are reunited.
A number of people thought he was a mixed breed, but he turns out to be a rare breed.
I liked that massive dog, so I am delighted,
That mastiff and master now are reunited.
Running Chicago
I ran the Chicago Marathon yesterday and I made my time goal of breaking the five hour barrier. I finished in 4:56.
My watch, a GPS device made by Garmin, seemed confused. It thinks I ran 27 miles yesterday and I heard the same from other GPS watch users. It kept adding distance throughout the race.
It's a good device, within its limitations, but I wished I had my regular running watch on my other wrist. As it was, I had to do math in my head to make sure I was running at the right pace. Unfortunately it gets harder and harder to do math as a marathon wears on.
Anyway, it all worked out. And now I'm headed to work.
I'm feeling great, even if
My gait is admittedly stiff.
My watch, a GPS device made by Garmin, seemed confused. It thinks I ran 27 miles yesterday and I heard the same from other GPS watch users. It kept adding distance throughout the race.
It's a good device, within its limitations, but I wished I had my regular running watch on my other wrist. As it was, I had to do math in my head to make sure I was running at the right pace. Unfortunately it gets harder and harder to do math as a marathon wears on.
Anyway, it all worked out. And now I'm headed to work.
I'm feeling great, even if
My gait is admittedly stiff.
Saturday, October 07, 2017
Today's Dog Adventure
This dog, a big brindle bullmastiff mix sort of dog, weighing at least 100 pounds, resided at my house for a few hours today. He had a collar, but no tags, and was wandering loose outside my house.
He seemed friendly to all the people he met. And my lab liked him. They ran around our yard together.
But I decided I couldn't keep him overnight. There were logistical challenges, and unknowns. Eventually I took him to the Animal Welfare League shelter in the nearby suburb of Chicago Ridge.
If you want something big to scare burglars away,
This guy can do it all day.
Friday, October 06, 2017
Who Am I Now?
If only I could hack
I'd get my identity back.
Right now it's lonely and sad
On a laptop in Volgograd.
I'd get my identity back.
Right now it's lonely and sad
On a laptop in Volgograd.
Thursday, October 05, 2017
Herbal
My wife had noticed lately... strange cats in our yard. Not strange peculiar, just strange "I don't know whose cat that is".
She was trying to figure that out, when she remembered, "Oh, yeah, I've got catnip growing in the yard."
Other people's kitties slip
Into our yard to have a nip.
She was trying to figure that out, when she remembered, "Oh, yeah, I've got catnip growing in the yard."
Other people's kitties slip
Into our yard to have a nip.
Wednesday, October 04, 2017
Almost the Same Weather?
I ran a marathon 2 and a half weeks go, and I'm scheduled to run another in a few days, and I really hoped that this Sunday would be notably cooler than that Sunday 2 and a half weeks ago, but it's shaping up to be just a teeny bit cooler. Well, every little bit helps
The course will also be a slightly flatter.
But what if I've gotten slightly fatter?
The course will also be a slightly flatter.
But what if I've gotten slightly fatter?
Monday, October 02, 2017
A Name That Stuck
'The Velcro company has some news for us: they don't want us to call velcro, well, velcro anymore... What do they want you to call velcro now? "Hook and loop."'
Velcro
Says hell no,
Please don't use their name.
Too bad
So sad
I'll use it just the same.
Velcro
Says hell no,
Please don't use their name.
Too bad
So sad
I'll use it just the same.