Free Range Tiger Taunting

Police are saying that the Free Range Tiger at the San Francisco Zoo was taunted by drunken pot-smoking teens who deserved what they got.

Okay, they aren't really saying those italicized words. But sometimes subtext is the best way get your point across.

During the attack, Zoo employees were quick to go with the drug angle:

"I don't know if they are on drugs or not," the woman employee is overheard saying over a colleague's walkie-talkie. "They are screaming about an animal that has attacked them and there isn't an animal out."

They were slower to go with the escaped feline angle. After all, as one employee reasoned, that was "virtually impossible."

You know what "virtually" means in front of "impossible". It means "not quite".

The tiger cannot change his stripes.
Taunting, sadly, does not please him.
In order to escape his swipes,
Check his moat before you tease him.