Commencement Correctness

Some are bemoaning the recent rash of student protests forcing commencement speakers to back out of their engagements.

At Newsweek, one writer proposes an amusing solution:

'The solution is simple and impossibly elegant: Let’s ban commencement speakers. Who do they benefit, besides themselves?'

But I don't see this as a market failure. I see this as a golden opportunity.

You've fired your graduation speaker?
Consider someone whose star power is considerably weaker...
Namely me!

I'll be glad to say "good luck, kids" for a very hefty fee.