Charmin, the musical, continued

Scene 2, from my new musical, solo for husband:

How can I ever explain to my wife
That toilet paper is not worth my life?
Shopping threatens my very existence.
Standing in line doesn’t leave any distance!
I’m afraid I don’t really want to be harmin’
My own future health by shopping for Charmin.
I told her I went to the store - went inside.
But let me confess to the truth here - I lied.
I love her so much, and would love to be true,
But cowardly fear in the face of this flu,
Has made me a liar. Now what do I do?

Scene 3, solo for wife:

I’m sorry to tell you, I’ve come to suspect
My husband is guilty of spousal neglect.
He promised to love me, to cherish, obey,
But I’m out of Charmin for nearly a day!
Did he go to the store, or is that just deceit?
He brought me no Charmin - not even one sheet!
I fear that our marriage will end in a split.
I really need something to wipe when I... sit
On the porcelain throne, but what can I do?
This holding-it-in has my face turning blue!