Hadron Collider Contacts Parallel Universe

The headline is too clickbaity to click, but I love it: 

Researchers At Large Hadron Collider Are Confident To Make Contact With Parallel Universe In Days

The people from the parallel 

May perhaps be able to tell 

How poor Columbus ran aground 

Which meant the new world never got found. 

 And don't tell me that the new world would have been found by someone else. Nope. It turns out that Western Civilization collapsed again in about 1530, all because they failed to get to America.