Chicken Pot Pie

Chicken pot pie? 

The name is such a lie. 

It doesn’t contain any pot! 

You’ll feel quite full, but not... 

High.

Hard to Walk Without

Lately it occurs to me,

How much can hinge upon a knee.

I’m rambling on without a point,

But it may be my favorite joint!

Starved Rock Video

 

In the midst of pandemic doom,
We produced it on Zoom.

Possibly a Misleading Clue

Icicles on my eyebrows are a clue 

That snow removal's what I love to do.

In A Past Life

In a past life, I had some other job. 

Not a computer programmer, that's for sure. 

I doubt I was the leader of a mob. 

I'd hate to think I was a stuck-up snob! 

But fortunately my past lives are obscure, 

Wonderfully lost somewhere in the mists of history, 

Without hypnosis, doomed to remain a mystery, 

And that's a good thing - it means I cannot regret - 

I cannot recall, and analyze, and fret 

Over what I did wrong through all those lives. 

Perhaps I was a sharpener of knives, 

That would have appealed to my conscientious side, 

Putting a glistening edge on tools gone dull, 

Singing while working, keeping my own heart full, 

Making up words for tunes the world supplied.

Folk vs Faux Etymology

 The neighing of horses stabled nearby

Use to bore people senseless - so much they would cry. 

This I have always understood 

Is the source of our modem day term: “neigh-bore-hood”. 

Today's Adventure

Got car stuck in snow, 

Called up Triple-A tow. 

But dug it out myself 

And canceled the call for help. 

Be careful when you sally 

Forth in a snowy alley!

They told me they'd get to me in about 16 hours. I'm sure they're backed up with calls like this. But I didn't want to leave my car in the middle of an alley that long!

Degrees of Difference

In most of the world, minus degrees 

Are said to start when you C water freeze. 

But in the United States, I am told, 

The negatives start when it’s too F-ing cold.

Barriers

He battled widespread age discrimination

And became the oldest leader of our nation -

I believe that's cause for celebration!

At least it helps me overcome my fear

That it's too late for me to start a career

In politics - I might just run next year!

Garment Free

I wonder if babies feel stressed 

At being born undressed. 

Do they notice that everyone's staring 

At what they're not wearing?

Medical History

Measles, normal and German, 

Chickenpox and Mumps... 

There were no vaccines yet for them, 

When I was a kid. So I took my lumps.

To Do List

Whether or not it meets with your approval,

My goal today is mostly snow removal. 

I’ve cleared the whole thing twice but it’s still falling,

And so I hear my blower duty calling.

Headrest

 Before pillows were invented

People sometimes used rocks

And woke with faces dented,

Which often came as a shock.

Not So Noble

Scientists have recorded the sound 

Of helium atoms joking around. 

Typically when there's only three 

The sound you hear is: HeHeHe.

Speculative Investment

I buried my bucks behind a row of bushes. 

Somehow I never made a gosh darn dime. 

Now I find out - that's not the same as "Hedge Fund". 

Misleading name! I tell you, it's a crime!

Diagrammatic

I once believed I was a grammatical menace, 

Able to diagram every possible sentence, 

But then I started to sweat, and things got hairier 

When I encountered this: "The more the merrier!"

Too Friendly

Friend requests

From bikini-clad ladies,

I must confess

I regard as shady. 

And if they’re bubbling 

In hot tub dreams,

I find it troubling 

In the extreme!

Reductio Ad Adbsurdum

I weigh much less in kilograms. 

 So I switched my digital scale. 

 I look the same on conference cams, 

But the numbers tell the tale! 

I resolved to lose weight in ‘21, 

I thought it might be tough, 

But now that resolution’s done - 

It really wasn’t rough!

Q

I did not follow Q-anon. 

I take it Q-anon is gone. 

At least the mysterious Who, 

Presenting himself as Q, 

Whose views got so much traction 

Is mostly missing in action.

Rumors

The 25th amendment puts the bar high 

To evict the elected White House guy. 

If he says, "I'm capable. I'm staying in it," 

You need two thirds of the House and the Senate.