Transvaluation

Santa declined to study 

The book, Beyond Naughty And Nice. 

"I may be a fuddy-duddy, 

But I'm putting Nietzsche on ice."

Post Solstice

 I long to be in Antarctica,

Where summer has just begun. 

Yes, I’m sure that it’s still fairly cold,

But petting penguins sounds fun!

Career

Someone told me learn to code,
And so I travelled down that road.
Code is not the road for all.
Many stumble, many fall,
And many find it boring as hell.
I understand. I wish you well.

Transatlantic

They held beliefs
Most thought unreasonable.
Defying the law,
In ways some thought treasonable.
They hopped on a boat
To escape legal limits,
And somehow made land -
So they occupied Plymouth.

Happy Thanksgiving to Everyone

In the bogs of Massachusetts, 

The wild cranberries grow. 

How they end up as cylindrical sauce - 

I simply do not know!

How It Starts

Not always, but often, this is how it starts.

There comes a nagging feeling at my heart,

Knocking recurringly, and in its hand 

A scrap of paper holding just once sentence, 

Whispered into my ear as a command: 

Complete this phrase, perform it as a penance 

For all your vagueness, work it out in words, 

A web of sound that somehow carries meaning, 

Not perfectly clear, perhaps, but at least leaning 

Toward clarity. And I, as by now you've inferred, 

Take up the challenge and struggle to append 

Thoughts that will bring the starting thought to an end.

Apostrophe S

Most English nouns possess

Other nouns with apostrophe S,

And when we make a contraction

With IS… we use the same action,

And say: “The dog’s collar’s wet.”

How confusing can you get?

House

 My father owned the house for fifty years,

And all those fifty years I had a key. 

New people live there now, and it appears 

They love the place. That’s gratifying to me. 

But still at times I feel the house is mine. 

The empty garbage bins - I want to haul

Them up the drive. I leave them there. It’s fine.

The chores belong to them. Not mine at all. 

Most days I walk by twice, it’s on the way

To where I catch the train. I feel its presence 

More than I see it, as my memories play

On automatic - mostly rather pleasant. 

I have an edifice complex. That’s a pun.

I carry it with me, as a dutiful son.

Politicized Biology

Biology has been complicated needlessly,

Reportedly through evolution. 

The Soviets simplified it heedlessly 

After their revolution. 

Lysenko had theories of botany

He said would grow more food.

Results? He hadn’t got any. 

The masses were thoroughly screwed.

New Rumor

As a news-addicted boomer, 

I'd like to start a new rumor, 

Something fairly frightening, 

To strike the heart like lightning, 

Along with a quicky quacky 

Cure that itself is wacky: 

I hear there's an alien plan 

To lizardize every man, 

So consume lots of catnip daily 

Or your skin will turn green and scaly!

Buggy

The silkworm and the honeybee

Make useful products for you and me. 

Not sure what the other bugs are for,

Can’t find their products at the store. 

And as for mosquitoes, well I declare,

I’d like to blast them from the air!

Plan

I have a plan to procrastinate. 

Not just yet. I’m going to wait.

Half Awake

Alarm went off, but Marsha did not stir. 

Quietly I arose and hit the button, 

And carefully I climbed back into bed. 

She must be tired - no motion or sound from her. 

Glanced at my phone for news, but I found nothing, 

At least nothing big, so I got up instead, 

And flipped the light. A mystery cleared without warning. 

Marsha is still in California this morning.

Living in the Future

The first one, Sputnik, went up when I was five, 

But now they swarm in flocks far overhead 

A vast array, a net around the earth. 

And here I am, observing, still alive, 

Arrived into a future not imagined - 

No flying cars, but cell phones that are worth 

More than the sums that used to ransom kings. 

This is a time of strange and beautiful things.

Retaking College Hill

I’ve been thinking over Walter Donway’s new novel, Retaking College Hill. I enjoyed it, was moved by it, was moved to thought by it. Gave it a full set of stars. 

I’ve heard some people don’t like the sexual relationships in the book. I thought they were a bit quirky at times, but I thought they were well written and reflective of the author’s personal sexuality in some way. I’ve read a bunch of his fiction and poetry. At times he definitely leans into the erotic, with what you might call a traditional “me-Tarzan, you Jane” attitude. A retro attitude. I think he’s actually strong in such scenes, they come across quite vividly. But someone else’s vivid fantasy can be disturbing at times, and I imagine that’s what’s going on here. I found them a little jarring at times, not in a bad way. I think they are meant to be a bit startling. This book is full of unconventional characters doing bold things. 

The setting is an Ivy League school. Basically, it’s Brown, which the author attended long ago. And the college is beset with activist protesters and political correctness - and violence and intrigue. It’s the violence and intrigue that lead to this book being a thriller, a tale involving multiple murder attempts. Did I warn you there would be spoilers? Well, I will try to keep them to a minimum. 

This is not a book which looks at its villains from the inside. The tactics of the Left are sketched in detail, but we don’t get invited into the heads of the Left. This is not a Dostoevskian approach. Nor do we have a major waffling character, you know, a person we follow along with while they must choose between the two sides. I would say the book is written for people who already have their minds made up about campus intimidation tactics as practiced on the Left. 

What the book means to explore is the best way to respond to such intimidation. This is what the lead characters have trouble coming to a consensus about. Without giving too much away, I think the author believes that, when necessary, force should be met with force, but that the real battle is one of ideas, and that alumni and donors should stop funding postmodern causes, and start funding rational philosophy.  Ayn Rand is repeatedly singled out as an ideal basis for an antidote to postmodernism. 

The storyline agitated me. I kept thinking that characters I cared about were in more trouble than they knew. I felt tragedy looming on the horizon. I was not totally wrong about that, but there was triumph on the horizon as well. I came away, after all that, with my heart lifted, surprised by a book that had worked its share of visionary power, by making me live through an intense adventure.

Obligatory rhyme:

Consider giving this book
A look.

Salem Mayhem

Some say that Salesman is Miller’s best play, 

But there’s another that blows me away: 

When children see demons that are not there, 

Conjuring evil out of the air, 

Leveling charges of monstrous deeds, 

Taking delight when a victim bleeds, 

Claiming instead to be victims themselves, 

Whining as if they endured endless hells, 

All the while honored for virtuous bravery, 

Tortured within by their envious knavery - 

This is the story that leaps from the page 

Whenever The Crucible plays on the stage.

Inspired by Noel Coward's Private Lives

Elyot and Amanda, Decades After 

He thought of her as his second wife,
One he had won in later life,
A woman of the world whose history
Always retained an air of mystery.

She wasn't the girl to whom he'd tossed
His first real love in days long lost,
The girl that he could still recall
As having been his all in all.

He knew her better now, he guessed,
But often felt he knew her less.
The spaciousness of a human soul
Defies attempts to grasp it whole.

And over time it slowly expands,
Encompassing yet more extravagant lands -
A twisting, turning trail of travels,
Nearly hopeless to unravel.

Such was the surface. Beneath there was more,
Something that spun, some hot molten core,
That never really altered at all,
Keeping him locked in magnetic thrall.

CSO, Where Did All The Old People Go?

At the Chicago Symphony last night 

The usual gang of older people was nowhere in sight. 

There were lots of newcomers who violated one of the audience laws:

They gave each movement of Schumann’s symphony a big round of applause!

In rock, pop, and jazz, you clap for each song,

But somehow, for symphonic movements, it’s regarded as wrong.

It's That Time

So, why do the Germans have this fest in October?
Does September leave them feeling too sober?

 

Drizzly AM

Wet asphalt under cloudy skies 

Reflecting the glowing yellow-white eyes 

Of cars responsibly creeping 

To work when they’d rather be sleeping.

Homophonic

A scene is something that's seen. 

So, based upon what they mean, 

I thought they were related - 

But they're not, and I'm feeling deflated!

Stargazing

Jupiter’s line of moons, Saturn’s shining ring, Luna’s dusty craters - These are spectacular things, All brought here tonight To my own wondering eyes By a simple telescope Of ordinary size - A trick arrangement of glass To spread mere spots of light Into expanded images Suiting human sight.

Germanic vs. Latinate

If you ever happen to say: 

"I took a rest for the rest of the day." 

Those two versions of rest are not the same word - 

Etymologically speaking. At least so I've heard.

Inspiration

If you confuse 

Moose with Muse 

It’s likely your Art 

Will be bold but not smart.

Punchy

I’m giving out a holler 

To a Hollerith named Herman. 

 He was American but 

His ancestry was German. 

 Those old computer punch cards 

You may have heard about, 

Were based on Hollerith’s coding scheme, 

So he deserves a shout!

Timing

Why do they call it a fast? The hours seem so slow going past.

Trochilidae

A hummingbird is a sneak. 

With stealth helicopter powers. 

He hovers about with his beak, 

Snatching nectar from flowers.

One Spelling, Two Words

Mental sheep, when you use them to slumber, 

All get assigned a particular number. 

Dental work, when it’s not a big bummer,

Involves some injections to make your mouth number. 

In one of these words, the B makes a sound, 

In the other, it’s quiet, and just hangs around.

Andrew Cuomo Stripped of Special Emmy

Hey Emmy committee, 

Look on me and take pity. 

Send that award to my garrulous self. 

I'm clearing away a spot on my shelf!

Experience

Give due weight to un-lived experience. 

It isn’t really a mystery. 

It’s where you learn from mistakes

That others have made throughout history.

H2O Plus

You float much better 

When water is salty. 

The taste, however, 

Is somewhat faulty. 

So instead of the sea 

I prefer the Great Lakes, 

Pleasantly free 

Of this flavor mistake.

Branson & Bezos

I'd like a trip to the edge of space... 

Just, you know, for a change of pace.

Glitchy

In dreams, a thing’s stable nature 

Is subject to sudden erasure.

And Yet It Happens

How sad to see a passionate mind
Fall prey to thoughts of a poisonous kind.

Wasted Effort

I’ve been trying to convince 
Friends from Australia 
That it’s summer right now… 
So far it’s a failia.

 

Such Stuff

Some dreams feel real but when I waken

It seems that I have been mistaken.

Incipient War

Menelaus and Helen 

He felt it was beneath him to compete, 

Undignified to plead a lover’s case. 

His worth, he thought, was plain upon its face - 

No need for honeyed words to make it sweet. 

But now he steeled himself for dread defeat, 

Not ready, quite, to grant it with good grace, 

Unable to accept they could erase 

The joining that had made his house complete. 

To woo, to win again, could it be done? 

She knew him, but she knew him all too well, 

And now her mind was wrapped up in the spell 

Of newly dawning love, a dazzling sun. 

So… how on earth could that heart be re-won? 

He hitched a breath and stepped forth into hell, 

Hoping that he would somehow live to tell 

A tale of love triumphant, re-begun.

Epidermis

 Without this skin I wear

All day and every night

I would feel extra bare

And look a ghastly sight.

Population Problems

They’re worried their economy 

Is going to hit the skids. 

There’s only one way out they see: 

Producing lots more kids!

 

Beyond Dogs

My homework was eaten by ransomware, 

Yes, professor, it’s true, I swear. 

It happens a lot, so you can believe it. 

Send me a Bitcoin so I can retrieve it!

At the Dunes

Asleep upon the beach, I hear a sound. 

I startle, raise my head, and look around.

A helicopter, like a dragonfly,

Buzzes over the water just so high.

Targets

 Besos and Musk had data revealed 

From the vaults of the IRS. 

Why does mine remain concealed?

I’m just lucky, I guess!

Late Night Doings

I eat my breakfast cereal

Every night before bed. 

So when I seem to skip breakfast,

I just ate it early instead.

Postal

Yahoo News: The Postal Service is running a 'covert operations program' that monitors Americans' social media posts 

I'm really not at all nervous 

About the postal service 

But I wish they'd deliver my mail 

On time and without fail.

Delays Ahead

In Chicago's construction season, 

We don't even ask for a reason 

As to their actual goals 

For digging up holes.

Build Them Up To Rip Them Down

How come this Bill Gates misbehavior 

Is leaking all at once? 

A week ago he was a savior. 

Now he’s a lecherous dunce.

Loss

The loss of people you love leaves a hole in your soul.
The love lives on, longing sharply for those who are gone.

 

End of Imprisonment

I have been haunted lately by the ending of King Rat, an old novel by James Clavell. It was a movie too, but I read the book first, so that's what stands out in my mind. 

The book is about a young British officer in a terrible Japanese POW camp. He's not the King Rat. That's an American wheeler-dealer who kind of runs the internal POW economy. What haunts me is the ending. They get rescued. They are miserable, in a state of near-starvation, in a terrible way. 

Even that's not what strikes me. What strikes me is that their rescuers are not interested in how things were in the camp. Their rescuers are ready for the former prisoners to move on with their lives. All the power structures and conflicts from the prison camp... simply vanish. The people who were important are now nobodies, and everyone is expected to go back to normal. Not all the prisoners are ready to go back to normal. 

 I sure am. But a lot of people around me seem to be suffering from some strange malaise that's a bit like Stockholm Syndrome, a bit like Institutionalization, and a bit like Agoraphobia. They don't want to stop wearing their masks. Okay, keep wearing them. But please don't tell me you are still Following The Science. Because The Official Science took a sharp turn in the other direction. 

Well, terror can be traumatic. We had a year of media-fueled terror. It's going to take a lot of people a lot of time to get over it. I'm sure there are some who will not live long enough to ever feel normal again. 

It is the appointed hour.
We do not need to cower.

De Clutter

If I have a big pile of flyers, 

Some of which have expired, 

For classes on throwing things away... 

Tell me, what does that say?

Python

I assumed that the language, Python, 

Was simply named after a snake. 

You can see where that would be 

An easy assumption to make. 

But checking various sources, 

I found that the actual scoop 

Led back to a very silly 

British comedy troupe.

Return to Normal

Here in the States, it seems that all the vaxing

Is causing all the rules to start relaxing,

But now they want me to come back into work!

Can I say no? I don’t mean to be a jerk. 

It’s true that I miss seeing all my friends,

And maybe it’s time for pandemic panic to end,

But I have grown so fond of my commute:

From bedroom to my desk for remote-compute!

Edifice Complex Wrecked

Today I went by the address where my first three full length plays were produced. I was feeling sentimental, wanting to see what they’d done with the old moldy building. What they’d done is tear it down and put up a new building! 

 I can no longer say: 

“If only these stones could speak!” 

I guess I’ll just pray 

The basement no longer leaks.

Planetary

Because we didn't really know her birthday, 

We simply had to pick a date for Earth Day. 

Saturn somehow gets a day each week - 

Saturday in the language that we speak.

Every Minute

I paid a guy five bucks.
For a gullibility test.
He disappeared. This sucks!
You fill in the rest.

Calvinball

If you think Calvinball 

Has rules that are strange, 

Don’t worry at all 

They will rapidly change!

Distance

I was invited to write a play for an online 10-minute play festival. It's always nice to be invited! So I agonized in the way I usually do, and wrote one and sent it in. I hope they like it, because otherwise I will probably feel the need to write another one. The main stipulation is that the play should be designed as what I would call a "Zoom-native play". Each actor appears on a screen, and there's no pretense that they are "really" in the same physical location. The story somehow must involve people relating at a distance. Like a "telephone play" but with visuals.

 
It may be silly, but one of my worries, when writing for a short play festival, is that my play not be too much like the other plays in a festival. It's a danger when there's a shared theme.

Of course, the immediate inspiration for this is the way so many of our relationships moved online with this Covid crisis. But they specified that they were not looking for a negative take on the technology of long-distance interaction. They said they would be happy with the celebrations of our ability to communicate vividly over distance.

We've been living an existence
With an extra wall of distance.

 

Just Wait

If you have momentous news 

And you’re feeling fit to burst 

I still recommend you choose 

Some day other than April First.

Going for the Gold

I'm seeking an Olympic win 

In jumping to conclusions. 

I'm putting an aggressive spin 

On breaking-news confusions. 

The stories that you hear Day One 

Might change a bit Day Two, 

But red hot takes are so much fun 

Whether false or true!

Equality of a Sort

I'm just getting over the changing clocks, 

But my mind has fallen prey 

To this puzzle: Why call it an equinox
Instead of an equi-day?
I'm sure there's a very good reason,
But what it is, I can't say.
Welcome to the next season -
Let's celebrate anyway!

Little People Investments

 Leprechauns hold

Their pots of gold

As hedges against inflation.

They’re starting to tiptoe

Their way into crypto

With hesitant trepidation.

Edward, Originally

e e cummings 

liked lowercaseness 

regarded punctuation regulations 

as basically baseless

DST Short for DISTRESS

Why not spring forward one minute - 

And do it for 60 days? 

It works out to be equivalent, 

And spares me a horrid haze!

Characters

Not one, not two, but three alphabets - 

Japanese is the best language yet! 

Excuse me, now that I recollect, 

“Alphabets” isn’t really correct, 

Maybe I even said that for laughs - 

They’re syllabaries and logographs!

Elegant Antelope

An impala's horns point toward the back, 

Which seems to suggest that I'm safe from attack. 

But I'm avoiding them just the same 

On account of "Impale Ya" is right in their name!

Metamorphoses

In Ovid’s Metamorphoses, 

People get turned into birds. 

In Kafka’s Metamorphosis, 

Conversion-to-cockroach occurred.

In Ovid such changes are typically wrought 

By some offended god’s word. 

For Kafka no explanation is sought, 

His world is simply absurd.

Intellectuals

Sometimes intellectuals 

Seem rather ineffectual 

But over the longer haul 

Their efforts affect us all.

First Monday in March

Many ask: just what is Pulaski Day for?

We honor a Polish nobleman who died, 

Leading cavalry for the American side

In the original Brits vs. Colonists war.

Chicken Pot Pie

Chicken pot pie? 

The name is such a lie. 

It doesn’t contain any pot! 

You’ll feel quite full, but not... 

High.

Hard to Walk Without

Lately it occurs to me,

How much can hinge upon a knee.

I’m rambling on without a point,

But it may be my favorite joint!

Starved Rock Video

 

In the midst of pandemic doom,
We produced it on Zoom.

Possibly a Misleading Clue

Icicles on my eyebrows are a clue 

That snow removal's what I love to do.

In A Past Life

In a past life, I had some other job. 

Not a computer programmer, that's for sure. 

I doubt I was the leader of a mob. 

I'd hate to think I was a stuck-up snob! 

But fortunately my past lives are obscure, 

Wonderfully lost somewhere in the mists of history, 

Without hypnosis, doomed to remain a mystery, 

And that's a good thing - it means I cannot regret - 

I cannot recall, and analyze, and fret 

Over what I did wrong through all those lives. 

Perhaps I was a sharpener of knives, 

That would have appealed to my conscientious side, 

Putting a glistening edge on tools gone dull, 

Singing while working, keeping my own heart full, 

Making up words for tunes the world supplied.

Folk vs Faux Etymology

 The neighing of horses stabled nearby

Use to bore people senseless - so much they would cry. 

This I have always understood 

Is the source of our modem day term: “neigh-bore-hood”. 

Today's Adventure

Got car stuck in snow, 

Called up Triple-A tow. 

But dug it out myself 

And canceled the call for help. 

Be careful when you sally 

Forth in a snowy alley!

They told me they'd get to me in about 16 hours. I'm sure they're backed up with calls like this. But I didn't want to leave my car in the middle of an alley that long!

Degrees of Difference

In most of the world, minus degrees 

Are said to start when you C water freeze. 

But in the United States, I am told, 

The negatives start when it’s too F-ing cold.

Barriers

He battled widespread age discrimination

And became the oldest leader of our nation -

I believe that's cause for celebration!

At least it helps me overcome my fear

That it's too late for me to start a career

In politics - I might just run next year!

Garment Free

I wonder if babies feel stressed 

At being born undressed. 

Do they notice that everyone's staring 

At what they're not wearing?

Medical History

Measles, normal and German, 

Chickenpox and Mumps... 

There were no vaccines yet for them, 

When I was a kid. So I took my lumps.

To Do List

Whether or not it meets with your approval,

My goal today is mostly snow removal. 

I’ve cleared the whole thing twice but it’s still falling,

And so I hear my blower duty calling.

Headrest

 Before pillows were invented

People sometimes used rocks

And woke with faces dented,

Which often came as a shock.

Not So Noble

Scientists have recorded the sound 

Of helium atoms joking around. 

Typically when there's only three 

The sound you hear is: HeHeHe.

Speculative Investment

I buried my bucks behind a row of bushes. 

Somehow I never made a gosh darn dime. 

Now I find out - that's not the same as "Hedge Fund". 

Misleading name! I tell you, it's a crime!

Diagrammatic

I once believed I was a grammatical menace, 

Able to diagram every possible sentence, 

But then I started to sweat, and things got hairier 

When I encountered this: "The more the merrier!"

Too Friendly

Friend requests

From bikini-clad ladies,

I must confess

I regard as shady. 

And if they’re bubbling 

In hot tub dreams,

I find it troubling 

In the extreme!

Reductio Ad Adbsurdum

I weigh much less in kilograms. 

 So I switched my digital scale. 

 I look the same on conference cams, 

But the numbers tell the tale! 

I resolved to lose weight in ‘21, 

I thought it might be tough, 

But now that resolution’s done - 

It really wasn’t rough!

Q

I did not follow Q-anon. 

I take it Q-anon is gone. 

At least the mysterious Who, 

Presenting himself as Q, 

Whose views got so much traction 

Is mostly missing in action.

Rumors

The 25th amendment puts the bar high 

To evict the elected White House guy. 

If he says, "I'm capable. I'm staying in it," 

You need two thirds of the House and the Senate.

Advertisers Love These Two

Nutritious and delicious -
What a convenient rhyme!
But they overlap on dishes
Less than half the time.

YIP

 In ‘68 my dad said no,

To the downtown riots thou shalt not go!

The prez nomination was in contention -

The Yippies besieged the big convention,

But their revolution proved short and fleeting 

And I missed out on the tear gas and beating.

A Walk

 It was just above freezing, temperature-wise,

And clouds were supposed to be clogging the skies,

But somehow they cleared, and the power called solar

Lit up my face - how perfectly polar -

To walk through the snow, while basking in sun,

Briskly enjoyable - glad when it’s done!

Resolution

New year’s dietary resolutions 

To be thin

Cannot begin

Until all the Christmas candy

Is consumed...

I am doomed!

Plunging Into 2021

I drove to the lake. 

I took a dive. 

Cold water makes

You feel alive!

At least I felt

Highly motivated -

To get myself 

Evacuated!

Inside the car

Was toasty and warm,

Which I prefer

As a general norm.