March 31, 1596

It’s René Descartes’ birthday... I think.
Do I sound doubtful? I am.
What if I’ve just been hoodwinked
By a demonic Wikipedia scam?

Enemy MIne

I used to treat my dogs with this stuff to prevent heartworm infection.

What If A Drug Could Make Your Blood Deadly To Mosquitoes?

I'm willing to give up
Some of my blood
If skeeters who sup
Will crash with a thud.

I Mean, Why Not?

I'm letting my hair grow out curly,
Fostering an attitude that's surly,
And celebrating April Fool's Day early.

I’m Not Quite Jewish, But...

A favorite Passover dish
Is known as gefilte fish.
I buy by the pound
From a deli I found
That sells me as much as I wish!

Arms And The Man

The second amendment - strangely it's still around,
Annoying opponents who claim it isn't sound.
Mere words on paper - oops, somehow it's the law.
Let's read it again - there must be a fatal flaw!

Infrequent

Rain in the desert:
Cactuses dripping,
Thirsty young lizards
Warily sipping.

Unusual Pool

A chance to swim in the sky.
Is this what it feels like to fly?
Would you want to give it a try?

After All, It Is The Perfect Shape

Why doesn't Excel show more deference
When I try to make a circular reference?

Data, Data, Everywhere

I hope my Facebook data is used
To further world peace.
But mostly I pray my rhymes are excused
By the new thought police.

Rescue Pups

'Colorado Springs firefighters said they were surprised to learn that the littler of "puppies" they rescued from a storm drain were actually baby foxes.... The "puppies" were taken to Powers Pet Emergency & Specialty, where veterinarians said they weren't actually dogs at all, but rather newborn red fox kits.'

Those vets. They know the secret signs whereby a canid is revealed to not be a domestic dog.

Baby dogs are pups.
Baby foxes are kits.
I'm not sure why this is
Or how they got mixed up.

Cosmic Daze

He thought he had been gifted by the gods.
She was as perfect as a work of art,
But warm and loving. What fantastic odds
Had brought them close? He felt his beating heart
Had somehow recognized her secret spirit,
A rhythm of her blood, a coursing rush
Of music too abstruse for ears to hear it.
He knew it was his brain that spawned this crush,
That spun the spell of leaping into love,
As if her soul were something made to order
To mesh with his. Not so much hand in glove
As hand in hand, toward a golden border.
Unsure if it was chance or hidden laws,
He uttered thanks unto the unknown cause.

Creepy Illinois State Voter Program

It comes in an envelope that looks like it might be official. The envelope has big red letters "Important Taxpayer Information Enclosed". But that's a falsehood, a trick to get you to open the envelope. The information isn't to do with taxes. It's to do with voting. And, strangely enough, it's a chart of whether I and some of my neighbors voted in elections in 2014 and 2016.

This is public information - not how you voted - but whether you voted.

Gateway Pundit says the "shady" group behind it is liberal. There's nothing explicitly liberal about the verbiage, except its creepy Cass-Sunstein nudge-like wording:

"Dear John,

What if your friends, your neighbors, and your community knew whether you voted?"

It goes on in that vein. And ends with a promise/threat to mail out an updated chart soon:

"You and your friends, your neighbors, and other people you know will all know who voted and who did not vote. DO YOUR CIVIC DUTY---VOTE!"

Dear Voter Program, please carefully note:
Freedom includes the right not to vote.
I wish you had told me whom YOU endorse -
I'd vote for his opponent, of course.

Standards

Person happy to go outside:
Let’s all get a whiff of fresh air!
Dog happy to go outside:
Hey someone peed over there!

Heard on the Street

Heard a bird
While on my walk.
Rat-a-tat-tat!
No song or squawk.
A woodpecker busy -
Pounding away.
I would get dizzy
Doing THAT all day!

NG

I was talking with someone whose native language is not English. Her English is generally excellent, but somewhat accented. Anyway, I was talking about the fact that German and Yiddish speakers tend to over-pronounce the "g" in our "ng" words. So, Long Island sounds a big like Lawn Guyland. Or singer is pronounced to rhyme with finger.

At this point, my friend stopped me and quizzed me. She didn't actually know that singer doesn't rhyme perfectly with finger. She says them the same way. And I listened carefully to her speech, and sure enough, she has the "hard version" of our "ng" sound, and doesn't actually say the soft version. Or, maybe she has one in-between sound. But I could definitely here the "explosive" "g" when she said singer.

With this variation
Of English pronunciation
You won't be misunderstood
But you won't sound perfectly good.

Fake Space News

"Is Chinese space station falling toward Michigan? Chances minuscule"

That's from the Detroit Free Pres. In one headline, they try to scare the locals and reassure them.

What goes up,
Must come down,
But Michigan?
Exactly which town?

City of

When you visit Chicago, remember to eat
More than you normally would.
We have big shoulders and huge appetites,
So kindly join in if you could!

Unsmooth Transition

March, I hear your name and think of Spring,
But then you send cold breezes just to bring
A blast of snow for Winter’s final fling.

First World Problem

I don’t suppose you care if
I can’t find a rhyme for tariff.

Harvey Casting

Instead of being cast as a silent invisible rabbit,
I’ve been cast as the judge.
When there’s a part with no lines I like to grab it,
But the director wouldn’t budge.