Plagiarism!

I wrote a little play involving Iago and Othello in the afterlife. At the gates of hell, actually. And I wrote it in verse. So someone asked me if I had worked in any lines by Shakespeare. I didn't think I had, but I had written it a while ago, in a hurry. So I thought I would feed the play through some online plagiarism-detection software. And it found something. But not from Shakespeare. It found this:

"It’s a lesson that I learned the hard way."

I thought to myself, that's practically a cliche, anyway. How can that be plagiarized? But it turned out they only had an 80% match. They had:

"Lessons I learned the hard way readings: Some modest advice for graduate students"

This plagiarism detective
Seems to be defective. 

In a Hole

When you’ve dug yourself in a hole, 

Consider halting the dig. 

Unless you are a mole, 

In which case, it’s your whole gig!

Inadequate Surveillance

I'm registered to vote. 

I got my shot for the flu. 

But ads online keep telling me 

That these are things I should do. 

They need to do a better job 

Of keeping track of my actions. 

Pointless redundant reminders hurt 

Customer satisfaction.

Recovering

Post-race, my mitochondria 

Seem to feel apathetic. 

Might they have hypochondria? 

Beware of endeavors athletic!

Chemical Evidence of Life on Venus

The Russians sent probes a couple of times 

Which probably carried bacterial slimes.

Now they’ve gotten planet-sized 

And simply need to be sanitized!

Mother of Invention

When human language 

Was first invented, 

Did the inventor 

Feel contented? 

No - it made her 

Kind of blue: 

She had no one 

To speak it to! 

So she taught it 

To a friend 

And this continued 

Without end.

A Theory of Something

I'm told time crawls 

When reading Rawls. 

You find your alertness failing 

Into a sleepy veiling.

Thinking Ahead

I believe that the Covid vaccine 

Should have a marketing mascot. 

I propose that we name her Maxine, 

And give her a hat from Ascot.

Next Sunday in Holland, Michigan

To satisfy the Health Department powers, 

The marathon start is spread across three hours. 

The race director had to jump through hoops, 

Breaking the race into several separate groups. 

My hat is off to him. He got it done, 

And opened the way to 26 miles of... fun?

The Other LIst

There's an opposite to a bucket list. 

It's what you might call a ****-it list. 

Ponder it as extreme eschewing - 

Stuff you'd rather die than start doing.

Call Me Samson

A woman without a mask 

Lured me to cut my hair. 

In case you have to ask, 

She buzzed my noggin bare. 

Well yes it was my wife 

But still it was a set up! 

When will this Covid strife 

At last begin to let up?

Choke it Down

I guess those stickers you get for voting 

Are like a sugar coating

For a pill

That doesn’t thrill.

But Who's Counting?

Venus has none. 

Mars has two. 

Moons are fun, 

But what can you do? 

At least we have one.