Lost and Found

When UPS loses a package of mine 

I never suspect an evil design, 

I simply assume that the darn thing got stuck 

In a crack in the back of that big old brown truck.

Emergent Properties

I ask myself, do I like pancakes, 

Or maple syrup and butter? 

Or is it the combination 

That’s simply utterly utter?

Piece of Silver

I’ve retrieved a bit of silver 

From a failing filling; 

It’s really just a sliver, 

Do you think it’s worth a shilling? 

I don’t know what that is, 

Except it’s British money, 

And somehow or other the sound of it 

Always struck me as funny.

Bayesians

Bayesians like to change their beliefs. 

It’s one of their fondest desires. 

New facts make them itch, and the only relief 

Is reexamining priors.

Contrast

You cannot see the Milky Way 

During the day. 

Darkness allows light that is faint 

To paint the sky.

Unbelievable

If your hard drive has stuff 

That would make heads pop, 

Don't abandon the thing 

At some random shop.

Hadron Collider Contacts Parallel Universe

The headline is too clickbaity to click, but I love it: 

Researchers At Large Hadron Collider Are Confident To Make Contact With Parallel Universe In Days

The people from the parallel 

May perhaps be able to tell 

How poor Columbus ran aground 

Which meant the new world never got found. 

 And don't tell me that the new world would have been found by someone else. Nope. It turns out that Western Civilization collapsed again in about 1530, all because they failed to get to America.

Nominate Me

It may be true I didn’t go to law school, 

Or “pass the bar”, whatever that may mean, 

But I have spent some time upon a barstool, 

And studied Law & Order on the screen, 

And I believe I’d like to be a justice - 

I’ll just face down those senators’ long faces, 

And say: “Why do you find it hard to trust us? 

I’ll know the answers when I've heard the cases!”

Mildly Disappointed

I'd like to be told that I already had
This thing that is spreading, this bug that is bad.
I'd like to believe that it did once infect me,
And somehow or other did not much affect me.
But do I have antibodies to show?
You've already guessed it - my tests all say NO!

Round

They say at King Arthur's Table,
The roundest of the round,
Was a certain Knight who was able
To really pack on the pounds.
I mean the great Sir Cumference,
Who loved to gobble Pi.
His belt more than tripled his radius,
And Pi was the reason why.

Experimental

Can someone on the internet send
A sample of the Chinese vaccine?
I’m just asking for a friend,
If you know what I mean.

Dominance

 I say that I’m right handed

But if we’re being candid 

I’m told that it’s the brain

That’s driving the hand-preference train. 

Donation

Gave blood. 

Did not fall with a thud. 

I hope that someone else gains 

From this stuff that ran through my veins.