Monday, June 30, 2008

Figure the Future

Michael Newberry ran through a brief history of the nude and its significance.

can be viewed
as universals imbued
with individual attitudes.

How Much Is The Bottled Water, Please?

No wonder the water here tastes funny:
Two people caught skinny dipping in a Portland reservoir that is a main source of water for the city nearly caused officials to dump millions of gallons of water and close the facility.
They were skinny dipping
in what I've been sipping.

Somehow Arising From Descartes' Meditations

Hard to say how this came up, but...

Fred Seddon boldly stated
we're a lot more complicated
than the pond scum
we evolved from.

Hope and Rights

Christopher Robinson spoke/meditated on recent research relevant to hope. He also delved into the psychological lessons of The Book Of Job.

All the troubles of the globe
visit Job
but while he grieves
he still believes
the Satanic assault
is not his fault.

Next up, a certain magazine editor spoke on Platonic Politics.

Robert Bidinotto
introduced this motto:
"I'm a movement fossil."

Then he took on the colossal
freedom movement fights
over "what are rights?"

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Atheism and Light Music

This morning Ed Hudgins talked about "the new atheism." It was a good talk about contemporary writers.

In the atheism of old
God got black-holed.
In the atheism of new
it's still true.

This evening Jesse Knight spoke on "light music" with lots of educational examples. As he mentioned, it's a modern movement, and I took away the impression it was a kind of reaction to the anti-melodic and anti-happy tendencies in 20th century "serious music."

Suppress a demand
and one thing is clear:
what is banned
will reappear.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Triple Digits on the Fahrenheit

Portland, Oregon is sizzling. Hot weather seems to follow this Objectivist conference around.

Tomorrow morning 3 of us are doing the "Reach the Bridge" race. Our great fear is that we may not have time to shower before the first lecture.

I'd like to tell you that I don't sweat,
that I really don't even perspire.

But that might make me a liar,
since I do become oddly wet.

Friday, June 27, 2008

The Appeal of Repeal

The Chicago Tribune came out with an editorial today that was headlined: "Repeal the 2nd Amendment."
The 2nd Amendment to the U.S. Constitution is evidence that, while the founding fathers were brilliant men, they could have used an editor. (Link fixed.)
And, yes, the Trib editors are ready, red pencils in hand. The Trib's editorials have been fiercely anti-gun for a long as I can remember. What's interesting, to me, is that gun control is clearly a failed experiment. We tried it in Chicago. How's the murder rate here? Don't ask.

Meanwhile, other states have instituted concealed-carry laws. Dire consequences were predicted, but never materialized. It turns out that armed people are still fairly reasonable people.

Having a gun
doesn't cause one
to start shooting
or looting.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Vexed by the Text

Here in Chicago, the mayor is mad.
He thinks the Heller decision was bad.

For the force of the 2nd amendment
is once again ascendant.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

8 Year Old, Part 2

Yesterday I was upset with the unknown gangbanger who accidentally shot an 8 year old kid.

Today our police superintendent was upset with the kid's parents.
"I hate to say it, but the parents are to blame for that 8-year-old being shot. They choose to engage in this activity. Now we have an innocent 8-year-old who is shot," Police Supt. Jody Weis said Tuesday at an unrelated news conference, in some of his harshest words yet about the wave of child shootings.
They seem to be working on the theory that the dad was involved in rough business dealings.

Well, it was 10 at night, on a school night, and this family had all 5 of their kids in a van, parked on the street, in a tough neighborhood. The mom was sitting in the front seat, and the dad was out on the street talking to another man.

What were they talking about?

Possibly he was asking the other man
how to get all the kids in his clan
to do their homework while riding around in a van.

Looking for America

The continent rolls out before you.
Walk its width unimpeded.
No passport needed.

If you want everyone to ignore you,
that can be arranged:
just don't act too strange.

But if you're in need of a chat,
if you want to know
how their lives go,

There are plenty of folks up for that.
They'll talk off your ear
till you no longer hear.

And you'll find the range of views
truly complex
with balances and checks,

Beyond what you see on the news,
as each sifts and sounds
the facts on the ground.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

"I'm Going To Miss You"

Josue Torres, age 8, was critically wounded in a drive-by shooting yesterday in a Chicago neighborhood.
As [he] was being wheeled into an operating room at Stroger Hospital late Monday, he turned to the doctors and nurses and said, "You guys have been so nice to me. When I die, I'm going to miss you," according to a hospital official.
He's not going to miss them. They saved his life. He's still in the pediatric ICU, but his prognosis is reportedly positive.

Damn you, thugs - learn to shoot straight.
Thank you, docs - your work is great.


Perhaps I need to elaborate my meaning.

We've got too many innocent bystanders taking bullets because the thugs, who usually mean to shoot each other, do not take the time to acquire their intended targets. Perhaps they are bad shots, perhaps they are too scared to take their time aiming, or perhaps they just don't care. Probably all 3.

They spray an area with lead
and extra people wind up dead.

Too Bad The Arrows Missed

Did you happen to see that news story a while back about a newly discovered "uncontacted" Brazilian tribe? It featured a great photo of naked men, painted in red, aiming arrows at the photographer's plane.

But now it turns out... that it was a hoax. The tribe was not newly discovered. They had been known about for a century.
The photographer and the agency that released the pictures wanted to make it seem like they were members of a lost tribe in order to call attention to the dangers the logging industry may have on the group.
They wanted to "call attention",
using a bit of invention.

It generated a lot of buzz,
but was it a lie? You bet it was!

Monday, June 23, 2008

The Case of the Clever Hiker

Jessica Bruinsma was hiking in the Alps when she took a bad fall and got stuck on a rocky ledge.

As luck would have it, she could reach a metal cable - for a cable-car used by lumberjacks. She took off her bra and attached it to the cable.
Rasp said the cable was only within reach because the timber transport system was out of service. When a repairman restored the line on Thursday, the cable car started moving up the mountain and Bruinsma's bra reached the worker at the base.
saved the day.

for her bra.

I would have died
on the mountainside -

lacking the proper article of dress
to signal my distress.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Doing the Du

I did the MetLife Duathlon this morning. You run 2 miles, you cycle 11, you run 2.

As I was closing in on the finish line, I started thinking: it's safe to slow down, since it's very unlikely that anyone in your age group is right behind you.

That was fatigue talking. My critical brain was still functioning, slightly, and it countered: you know no such thing!

So I managed to crank it up a little.

It turns out there were 2 guys in my age group, breathing down my neck. Our finishing times were:
6 John Enright     55 M-55-59  1:12:21 
7 Chuck Wolske 55 M-55-59 1:12:27
8 Randall Thomure 59 M-55-59 1:12:30
We had a competitive race
for the honor of 6th place.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Summer Party

Purpurachicago has a picture of me grilling for the NIF party. The party was tonight, but the pic is from about 3 years ago. It shows me, literally, fanning the flames.

We played charades. At one point, I was trying to communicate a certain song, and I had them to "sounds like": must stink / sale ee. And they knew it had something to do with a horse. But no one on my team knew the song.

I chased "Mustang Sally"
down a blind alley.

Birds Behaving Badly

There's a charming old Beatles' song, Blackbird, that makes the species sound so nice:
Blackbird singing in the dead of night,
take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life,
you were only waiting for this moment to arise
But in real life they can get territorial,
diving down from perches arboreal,
terrorizing cyclists. Here's a pictorial.

The Candidatal Seal

When I first saw Vero Possumus.
I thought: wow, that's the awesomest.

Sadly my knowledge of Latin was unclear.
I expected a Virile Possum to appear!

Friday, June 20, 2008

The Creature from Bubbly Creek

You expect it in Key Largo,
but up here in Chicago,
there's really no excuse
for a gator on the loose.

One showed up in our river today:
The alligator has teeth, but is not an adult. It is about 4 or 5-years-old and is about 4 feet long. They eat fish [but] are unpredictable around humans. The alligator was found in an area called Bubbly Creek where large carp were also swimming nearby.
There's a nice pic at the link. It's sooo cute. Just a little baby. With adorably sharp teeth.

Go home! Head for points due south!
My toes don't want to meet your mouth.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

We Don't Need No Stinkin' Public Financing

He whose-middle-name-shall-not-be-said has broken a pledge:
The Democrat once made a conditional agreement to accept taxpayer money from the public financing system, and accompanying spending limits, if his Republican opponent did, too.
But he's saying "Never mind!"

I'm glad. I don't want him taking taxpayer money for his campaign. Let him raise his own darn money. Which he is, by the boatload. Apparently it's being piped in through the internet.

I believe McCain is trying to figure out how to duplicate that feat. But he still thinks PayPal is just a nickname to use for your big contributors.

Please don't dredge up that pledge.
It was good when he first said it.

But now his stash of cash
is bigger... so forget it!


Senator Dodd, head of the Senate Banking Committee, was the number one recipient of campaign contributions from Countrywide Financial.

He got VIP treatment borrowing at Countrywide when he refinanced, but said he didn't know it was because he was head of the Banking Committee.

Now he has introduced a mortgage bailout bill.
The mortgage bill would allow banks such as Bank of America and mortgage lenders like Countrywide, which BofA is in the process of acquiring, to push their worst performing loans onto government agencies.
Don't even dream that the deal is corrupt.
Dodd says it's on the up-and-up.

Politics of Genes

Insightful quote from Matthew Yglesias:
Liberals tend to believe that sexual orientation is determined by genetics but that gender-difference in behavior is not, whereas conservatives tend to believe the reverse.
I, on the other hand, get a little concerned about sweeping claims where genetics is concerned, especially when "determined" gets thrown around so loosely.

Presumably our genes
play a role,
but must that mean
they have total control?

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

The Remains of the Day

For book club we read The Remains of the Day. It's about an exceedingly proper English butler, who lets professional standards get in the way of the rest of his life.

To love without knowing you love,
to let your love slip away,
without ever clasping her close,
without even grasping in hope,
galls at the end of day.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Reena's Question

Reena Kapoor came to America from India, and on her blog she ponders a big question about life in the U.S:
How do you take a nation of people who have among the most prosperous lives, best chances for survival when diagnosed with deadly diseases AND live among the longest lives in the world with among the cleanest air and water not only in the world but in human history and convince them that they should be scared, really scared of just about everything?
She doesn't actually have an answer. She's looking for one. So if you've got a theory, feel free to leave her a comment.

It's hard to keep your mental function clear
when your emotions are roiled by fear.

Dr. Gorelittle

Gore endorses Obama, and so do our furry friends:
"Even our dogs and cats have learned that elections matter," he said. "This election matters more than ever because America needs change more than ever."
My dogs and cats
may be Democrats,
but the GOP is gloating:
only people will be voting.

Monday, June 16, 2008

The Case of the Floating Feet

Disturbing news from British Columbia:
A fifth foot -- this one a left one -- has washed up on an island in the mouth of B.C.'s Fraser River.
The first 4 feet were all right ones, you see.
So after this left one, we're due another 3.

I'm kind of worried about this. I plan to visit Portland, Oregon, soon, and it's not all that far from British Columbia.

I like my feet.
When they're attached, I feel complete.

If they both were somehow gone,
what would I have to walk upon?

More than Zero

Honda has rolled out a few "zero emission" cars. Actually, they do emit something - water vapor.

Sounds awfully clean. But wait:
Water vapor is a naturally occurring greenhouse gas and accounts for the largest percentage of the greenhouse effect, between 36% and 66%.
So I'm just waiting for the "oh on second thought" articles from environmentalists. It happened with paper bags. It happened with ethanol.

For now the Honda may seem
an ecological dream.

But wait till they notice it's pumping out deadly steam!

Sunday, June 15, 2008

June Morning

Cottonwood seeds
blown by the wind
glisten like new falling snow.

Some hit the pool,
deep blue and cool,
spangling the water like stars in the sky.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Historic Undertaking

Mark Horowitz finally got his PhD in history from the U of Chicago, 34 years after starting the process. He got sidetracked, raising kids and starting businesses.
Among history doctoral candidates nationally, 47 percent have not graduated after 10 years. At the U. of C., it takes history students an average of 8.3 years to finish.
By the time you put that diploma on the shelf,
you've lived a lot of history yourself!

Friday, June 13, 2008

I Believe He Can Fly

R. Kelly was found not guilty today on all counts. The mostly female jury took less than 8 hours to decide.

I didn't see the tape, but it sounds like it was too poor in quality.

What's more, the mole on his back seemed to flicker in and out of existence on the tape.

I feel a Johnnie Cochran moment coming on.:

If there's no mole to see,
you must set him free!

Now, once you get off like this, the cops tend to watch you very carefully. So I have advice for him:

If you want to stay free,
first check i.d.!

UPDATE: Jurors, interviewed afterwards, said they were especially uncertain of the identity of the female on the tape.
"Most of us felt that maybe it was Kelly, maybe not," said juror John Petrean, a Romanian immigrant. "But nobody could agree if it was her. We had seen photos of her at other times and she seemed like a young girl. It seemed like the girl on the tape was much more developed."

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Sticks and Stones will Break My Bones

The NY Times runs an article on the distinctiveness of the American right to free speech. Not everyone they interviews really likes the way we run things here.
But merely saying hateful things about minorities, even with the intent to cause their members distress and to generate contempt and loathing, is protected by the First Amendment.
So... take men. We're a minority. Just barely, but still. A minority with a lot of decision making power in various spheres, but a minority nonetheless.

Which is good news for anyone writing anti-male material including commercials.

If you use your pen
to say hateful things about men
the first amendment protects
attacks upon our powerful but disrespected sex!

The Gate Escape

Our fence is being replaced. It's at an in-between stage, where the yard is not properly enclosed. So our next door neighbor kindly invited our 2 retrievers over to play in her yard. And play they did!

It turns out they were fond
of her pond,
and jumped right in to splash.

Then they made a dash,
knocking her gate open wide,
and running free outside.

Now they're back at home camp,
still smelly and damp.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Unicorn Deer

From Deb Ross comes word of a unicorn deer - picture at the link of a rare deer with a single horn in the center of its head.

The article speaks of a possible genetic flaw, or possible trauma. But if it can happen once, it may have happened before.

Of course
it's a deer,
not a horse,
that's clear.

But is it the source
of the stories we hear?

Generations Back

One of my noble ancestors
was an insectivore.

(I know from surfing the internet,
not from family lore.)

It's one of those cherished traditions
I'd just as soon ignore.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Bike to Work Week

It's Bike To Work Week in Chicago.

On day 1 of bike to work week:

Someone in a parked SUV opened the door on the street side. Without looking. An oncoming cyclist went flying:
Clinton Miceli, 22, was thrown into the path of oncoming traffic and run over by a passing vehicle after hitting the car door, police said.
The driver was ticketed. The cyclist is dead.

On day 2:

A city bus hit another cyclist. The bus driver was ticketed and suspended.
The victim in Tuesday morning's accident was listed in fair condition at Advocate Illinois Masonic Medical Center.
Tomorrow is day 3. Who knows what it might bring?

What I think I'd like
is an airbag for my bike.

Monday, June 09, 2008

Crosswalk Stings

Chicago police are running crosswalk stings.

Basically, a cop in plainclothes steps into a crosswalk at a busy intersection. If a driver doesn't stop, he or she gets a warning.

Sounds dangerous for the officer, and needlessly complicated.

Why bother with the plainclothes? I bet plenty of people won't even stop for a uniformed police officer who is trying to cross the street!

Some drivers are in such a hurry
pedestrians have to scurry.

Sunday, June 08, 2008

5k Day

I got to shake hands with Ronald McDonald today.

I won my age group for a 5k that was raising money ($47,000) for a Ronald McDonald House in Oak Lawn, IL.

A professional photog snapped a shot of me and Ronald - with his shoes big and floppy.
I need to get a copy!

We had a clown-to-clown rapport.
Who could ask for anything more?

I also got to meet my congressman, Dan Lipinski, who ran quite a bit faster than me. He won his own age group. He seemed... perfectly normal. It's always a shock when an elected official comes across that way. Usually they seem to me like they're acting a bit.

I suppose it could be a really good act,
but I felt that's how he was in fact.


When you're in favor of change,
folks shouldn't think it strange
if you modify positions
to suit your high ambitions.

Saturday, June 07, 2008


John McCain was recently asked if he could name America's poet laureate.

He didn't know it.

There go the votes
of a posse of poets!

But even the guy asking the question didn't know the right answer.

I guess it's nice to be the poet laureate.
But if no one knows your name, where's the glory at?

Holding Tank Blues

Rescue crews in Pennsylvania had to free a naked man from the holding tank of a porta-potty. Somehow he fell in, but was able to use his cell phone to call for help.

What I don't get is why, if he was naked, he still had his cell phone.

Perhaps he was making a call
when he took a mis-step in the stall
and had his unfortunate fall.

Let this be a warning to all!

Overworked Lawyer

He staunchly defended
the young and the poor.

His day never ended,
he worked more and more.

He even worked 40 hours one day.
You don't believe it? What can I say?

Neither does the disbarment committee.
His future is not looking pretty.

We Don't Need No Standards

Our neighbors to the north have tribunals called Human Rights Commissions. They investigate offenses which consist of somebody being offended. They conduct trials which are reportedly unhampered by standard safeguards:
The Commission courts obey no standard rules of evidence nor rules for expert testimony. They presume guilt, and are supervised by political hacks, not real judges. They have powers to seize and search that EXCEED (!) those of the police. They seem accountable to no one. They believe they "know better" than regular people, than elected politicians, than those who disagree with their ideology. This seems to permit them to justify any action, even if ethically questionable or downright illegal, to accomplish their "mission".
If this is true, perhaps they're called "Human Rights Commissions" because they are in the business of cutting back on those pesky rights.

It's an example of the principle that the best way to interfere with real rights is to create false ones.

Whether or not it was intended,
a right not to be offended
will reach
to the heart of free speech.

UPDATE: glowingwhispers lends her expertise on Canadian law, and points out that these proceedings ARE in fact open to judicial review. See her comments here.

Friday, June 06, 2008

Bow Down And Face The Planet!

Apparently three days of debate was enough for what many senators called "the most important issue facing the planet."

Oh, and that bill? They decided to can it.
Which was just as well for the planet.

Born Again

Lot's of folks say they're born again. Usually it's just a metaphor.

But this girl left the womb,
to have an operation,
then re-entered, to resume
her 9 month hibernation.

There Can Be Only One

I was invited to attend a rally today for Chicago's 2016 Olympics bid. But I didn't go.

And who do you think just happened to show up?
"It's a good time to be in Chicago," presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama said to the cheering crowd. "The White Sox are winning. The Cubs are winning. And Chicago's going to win the 2016 Olympics."
Obama is stepping onto dangerous ground there, trying to project benevolence to both the Sox and the Cubs. If you live in Chicago you're supposed to pick one of them and stick it to the other!

By birthright, I'm opposed to the Cubs,
in practice and in theory.

But they've suffered through 99 years of flubs,
so just this once I hope they win the Series.

Thursday, June 05, 2008


My son's dissertation is dedicated to a dying man - the father of a friend - who first got him excited about physics, "who encouraged us to measure gravity in the basement."

Not everyone knows that gravity is measurable.
Even fewer find this activity pleasurable.


The R. Kelly underage-sex-video trial has taken a strange turn.

Now they're arguing about a mole that's on Kelly's back.

If the guy on the tape is back-mole-free, then it can't be R. Kelly. The state's expert says you can see the mole, now and then, on the grainy old video.

The Kelly expert says it's not
a mole at all, just a shadowy spot
that fades in and out of view
which a big ole mole wouldn't do.

Of course, we're not allowed to see the tape and judge for ourselves - it's child porn! At least, the prosecution claims it is. Anyway, no one can see it. Unless you're sitting in the courtroom. Then it's okay.

I gather that looking at child porn isn't a crime, as such, but that owning some, or copying some, must be against the law. You may have noticed that they always charge people with "downloading" it to their computers. But... technically... every time you "just look" at an image on the internet, it in fact gets "downloaded" to your computer. These laws seem to have been written in the age of online bulletin boards.

Meanwhile, technology marches on, and now teenagers are taking naked photos of themselves with their cell phones and sending the pics along to special friends. Some of these pics end up on the net.
The images are complicating the work of investigators whose job is to find exploited children. Authorities trying to identify youngsters in naked photos are increasingly discovering that the teens themselves took the shots, said John Shehan, a director at the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children.
Part of the problem seems to be
that full-blown cases of puberty
arrive before they're legally free
to swim the deep end of the sea.

Let The Dialog Begin

Said the pollster to the voter:
Come and lend your voice:
Which man are you thinking of?
Who makes your heart rejoice?

Said the voter to the pollster:
Neither do I love.
I'm thinking that I need a choice
for none of the above.


Tony Rezko was convicted today, in federal court, on 16 of 24 counts. He may end up sentenced to more time than he has left to live. And he still faces another big federal trial. If he continues to keep his mouth shut, he's tougher than I thought.

I work near the federal court building, so I walked over after work. The media was huddled together in a press area on the ground floor. I stood a few feet away, separated by the plate glass window, watching them. They were milling about, anxiously waiting for major players to appear. I watched as Rezko's lawyer showed up and gave an interview.

Rezko didn't show up. He decided to start doing his time. I saw a white prisoner van pulling out of the garage, sirens blaring. One of the reporters pointed at it and said "there he goes!" Perhaps.

The prosecuting attorneys hadn't shown up yet, and unlike the reporters it wasn't my job to wait for them, so I took off.

I had a train to catch,
and a yoga class to stretch.

Rezko had a room with a lock
in a state of shock.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

As I Gaze Out At This Sea of Faces...

The valedictorian for a local suburban high school has been charged with plagiarizing his big speech.

Many a valedictorian, searching for wisdom to impart, has no doubt felt the tug of a similar temptation.

But this valedictorian may be the only one brave enough, desperate enough, or devilish enough, to lift his words from the pages of The Onion.

Tell me it's a rarity
to plagiarize a parody.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Fredric Baur's Request

Fredric Baur, 84, died early in May. An organic chemist, he was the proud inventor of the Pringles can, as well as a method of stacking the chips inside.

Per his request, some of his ashes were buried in a Pringles can.

They are the only food I know that comes in the shape of hyperbolic paraboloids.

I won't much mind if my molecules mingle,
absorbed by the graveyard grass someday.

But bury me not in a can of Pringles -
I prefer Frito-Lay!

Monday, June 02, 2008

Roll Up The Window

We had a white winter in Illinois, so now we're having a stinky summer.

It has to do with the budget for IDOT, the Illinois Department of Transportation.

They spent so many dollars
when it snowed
there's not much left for scraping up dead critters
from the road.

All Fixed Up

A sad tale of spell checking gone wrong:
Middletown Area High School's yearbook listed Max Zupanovic as "Max Supernova," Kathy Carbaugh as "Kathy Airbag" and Alessandra Ippolito as "Alexandria Impolite," just to name a few.
Too often spell checkers can't tell
when names are already spelled well.

Rezko Jury Having A Little Trouble

The jury in the Rezko trial has come to an agreement on 23 of the 24 charges against him. But they've gone home for the night.

They've settled 23 counts.
One's left. The tension mounts!

Of course, we have no idea whether they've found him guilty of anything.

Tomorrow, for all we've heard,
he may be free as a bird.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Poetry in the Comics

Shawn Klein sent me this funny comic about a robot who wants to set up a poetry website.

"I'm going to post a little bit about robot life each day!"

The other robot replies:

"If you're going to lower yourself to this... If you're going to practice a dead art that nobody cares about and post it on the internet, why not just go all the way and make it comics or softcore porn?"

Of course part of the humor is the self-referential bit where a comic strip on the internet makes fun of comic strips on the internet.

In my view, neither one's a dead form.
Their hearts are beating and warm.

Huckabee Attacks Zombie Freedom Lovers

Mike Huckabee is being quoted as saying that libertarianism is "soulless type of economic conservatism".

Mike, we are neither soulless
nor goalless.

And we're not completely luckless
since we are blessedly Huckless.

Invisible But Pink?

Never before
have I chosen to explore
so much unusual unicorn lore.

Now, it turns out there is a church of the Invisible Pink Unicorn. It's a lot like the church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Both lampoon standard religious belief. But unlike the FSM, the IPU is female.

I find my feelings are torn
between Spaghetti and Unicorn.

The Spaghetti Monster is funnier. But the Pink Unicorn is more beautiful.

I know Barack Obama is looking for a new church.

Since he's Christian, not atheist,
neither is likely to make his list.

Of course, it would be hard to get elected
if either of these was the faith you selected.