Unexpected Waves

A crypto current sea
Is a choppy place to be.

My Dopy Digital Assistant

Thank you, Alexa, for waking up during random conversations,
And confessing you can’t answer our imagined interrogations.

Free Advice

Please don’t stare at your phone
While walking along outside,
Because that’s what I’m doing too,
And I fear we may collide.

Foul is Fair

My dog stands ready to sniff -
No question of when or if.
You think some smell is horrible?
To her, it's just adorable.

Don't Lose The Thread

The main trouble with time travel,
Is when everything starts to unravel,
And it turns out that I was never born.
That always leaves me feeling forlorn!

Niche

We made people keep their loose dogs off the street,
Where coyotes now roam, hunting bunnies to eat.

First Tri of Summer

Hard-won advice for the day:
If you change the pitch of your bicycle seat
Remember the job’s not complete
Till you tighten it all the way...
Or you may find yourself riding at a pitch you hadn’t intended,
And relieved but sore once the ride has ended.

What Is Vivitrol?

They've been running this ad on the electronic billboard at the train station downtown. It has some fine print lines at the bottom, but I've never gotten close enough to see what they say. I can only see this message: "What is Vivitrol?" This question is accompanied by a good looking young woman with nice blonde hair, staring straight out, with a serious expression.

I guessed it was hair product. Nope. Wrng

It's an anti-addiction shot you get, a medicine that makes opioids not work on you. It blocks the high.

And the gimmick with just asking what is the drug? That may be a legal work-around, to not have to list the no-doubt long list of dangerous side effects.

This all previously came up in Boston, apparently, on the Red Line. Here's a photo snatched off the internet.



This is the sort of mystery ad
That has the potential to drive me mad.

Skynet Not Yet

Some say we’re doomed to die
At the hands of deep-learning AI.
But that day has not yet come.
AI is still kind of dumb.

The Challenge

There's this local race that I've been running faithfully since 1983. The course has changed a couple of times, and, more significantly for today's story, they added a second race to it. Originally it was a 10k, back when 10ks were popular. Now it's a 10k, and a separate 5k, now that 5ks are popular.

And, you can sign up to run them both, one after the other. This is called "The Double Challenge".

I've been rising to the challenge, and this year I came in second, in my age group, for the combined event.

I was 7th out of 20 on the 10k.

I was 5th out of 12 on the 5k.

But I was 2nd out of 6 for the hardy band who ran both. There's actually no "award" for that, except in my mind.

Whether you win or lose,
Is sometimes something you choose.

Only One Letter Left Out

Apparently there's no U.S. state
That's spelled with the letter Q.
Let's change the spelling of New Yorq.
It's the right thing to do.

GDRP as Applied to Me

As for storing your deets,
Each night I do an erase.
It’s almost too complete.
I may not remember your face!

Sumer Is Icumen In

My plan is to un-tilt
The planetary axis,
Cut back the Weather Service,
And save big bucks on taxes!

beWaRe

zAny caPitaliZatioN
iS A thReat tO cLear menTatiOn.

Charms to Ruffle the Savage Breast

Apparently a lot of stores and "pubic spaces" now play classical music loudly to chase away louts:

"Experts trace the practice’s origins back to a drowsy 7-Eleven in British Columbia in 1985, where some clever Canadian manager played Mozart outside the store to repel parking-lot loiterers. Mozart-in-the-Parking-Lot was so successful at discouraging teenage reprobates that 7-Eleven implemented the program at over 150 stores, becoming the first company to battle vandalism with the viola."

It's an interesting idea, with some intuitive appeal, but then the author writes this:

"Today, deterrence through classical music is de rigueur for American transit systems."

I can tell you that's not true in Chicago. I ride transit here all the time, and I'm not hearing a lot of oboes.

The author of the piece is not too happy about this alleged trend, referring to it as "weaponized classical music," and seeming to take the attitude that this represents some kind of classist oppression. But I like this sort of music, so I say: bring it on!

They say that vandals
Can't abide Handel.
If so, it's no scandal
To chase them away.
Let Hallelujah play!

Again

I fear that mad-shooter notoriety
Is bad for our society.

Perennial

Grandchildren are lovely creatures
With next-generation features.

Verbatim Theater, Verboten Viewpoint

I never heard of "verbatim theater" but apparently it's used to describe plays whose scripts are literally excerpts of verbatim testimony. You might recall that someone made a stir by doing that with one of the Hillary/Donald debates, keeping the actual words of the debate, but flipping the genders. People were surprised when this somehow seemed to make the Donald into a more sympathetic character.

Anyway, there's a new play based on that stinky attempted shakedown of Chevron Corp. on "environmental" grounds in Equador. I haven't followed the case, but the plaintiff's lawyer got in very serious trouble for unethical behavior.

It's a clever way to write a play. I mean, you don't have to write a thing! But you do have to edit. Mercilessly, no doubt. And it looks like he raised 24k to put on the play, so my hat's off to him.

What really interested me was that an actor dropped out of the play.

"Apparently, the actor had difficultly performing the part because it cast the environmental movement in a negative light, the sources say."

Of course that's the actor's right, but you do wonder why he took the part in the first place. I wonder if someone put pressure on him after he signed up for the part. Theater people don't confuse actors with their roles. If you play Iago, we don't imagine you must be a villain. But participating in a controversial play can be construed as "supporting it", I suppose.

What actor wants to be seen
As anti-green?

Gradualism

My mind is in a muddle.
Would someone please respond?
At what point does a puddle
Turn into a pond?

Burro

In Italian, burro means butter.
In Spanish it means an ass.
My brain fills up with such clutter,
Which will not vanish, alas!

Canine Grapevine

I’d heard that puppies on the Dog Star
Were up to something mysterious.
But you know how rumors are -
It wasn’t really Sirius.

Terza Terza Terza

As you may have noticed, I've been fiddling with terza rima. Something I hadn't paid attention to: there are a couple of ways to end them.

"...there are a few different ways you can choose to end your terza rima poem. One way is to simply end it with the last stanza. Another way is to add a couplet, which is a set of two lines which rhyme. Or, you can choose to add one extra line that stands alone to conclude your story. Try writing more than one terza rima, and experimenting with ending them in all different ways!"

The last way is the method used by Dante. I have followed that method so far, although I didn't isolate the last line visually.

I see that Robert Frost, in a poem included at the link, used the final couplet method, as did Shelley in his West Wind ode. Why haven't I noticed this before?

I suppose the Ode to the West Wind is the best known English poem in this form. He uses a lot of off-rhymes to solve the problem of "how do I keep coming up with 3 rhymes at a time?"

Terza Rima is an interloper in English,
Which is insufficiently jinglish.

HMD

Laying an egg was evidently too easy
So evolution instead decided to
Ask that for months you wake up queasy
Lugging a child around inside of you.
You rose to the challenge and bore forth young.
Now, on this day, let your praises be sung!
Happy Mother's Day.
Happy heartache and rewards like no others day.

Is Unfriend Even A Word?

I unfriend in a somewhat random way.
Not in response to something said to me,
But in response to broad polemic spray,
A splatter pattern there for all to see.
Plus, as a rule it's someone I don't know,
Don't know in flesh and blood reality.
They do not notice that I choose to go.
I just evaporate from their big set
Of faces in the social network flow.
Not one has called to say they miss me yet.

Terza Rima

I’m reading Dante’s tale which takes the form
Of three-line stanzas braided into rhyme.
In English such tight chains are not the norm!

The poet starts by telling of a time
When he was wandering in a darkened wood,
And found a hole, and made a downward climb.

So soon enough it turned out that he stood
Before the undelightful gates of Hell.
You might thing going in would not be good,

But he persisted, and he lived to tell
The story of his journey in a poem.
This happened once or twice to me as well,
But I kept quiet after I got home.

Bear Necessities

UPI: "A Canadian zoo has been charged under the country's Wildlife Act after officials took a bear for ice cream at a Dairy Queen drive-through."

This is an incredibly friendly and well-behaved bear, as you can see here.



Although, if I was the DQ guy, I wouldn't be handing any food directly to the bear.

With such a well behaved bear,
I think it was only fair,
To drive her into town
To pick up treats she could gobble down.

At the Blood Donation Place

I probably go there twice a year on average, to donate blood. But it feels like a very familiar place to me. What's funny, is that something is always different. Today what really jumped out at me is that men and women were BOTH supposed to answer questions about being pregnant. I guess this is geared toward people who were born female but who subsequently declare themselves to be men.

Anyway, there's no maybe,
I cannot carry a baby
Anywhere inside my bod,
Honestly, so help me, God.

Pressuring for Song

The prosecutor says you'll take a fall,
Unless you tell him what he wants to hear.
Really, this is something for us all,
Not just the would-be songbird, to fear.

As a federal judge recently said:

“This vernacular is to ‘sing,’ is what prosecutors use. What you got to be careful of is, they may not only sing, they may compose.”

The reported reason to fear the tactic, is that often it brings forth a new set of lies, lies that the prosecutors are eager to accept as truth.

The witness sings
But does he compose?
For justice that brings
Worse woes.

Next on the Book Club Reading List

Why a stairway to heaven?
Why a highway to hell?
Is traffic that uneven?
Perhaps my friend Dante can tell.

Third Cousins

On the 23andMe website, in my DNA relatives list, there was a recently-added woman I didn't know.

Aside from some actual known relatives, she was the closest DNA relative I've seen online.

She indicated online that she was looking for relatives.

The website guessed she was my third cousin, and I just confirmed that guess was correct, using some information from her, and the Mormon(LDS) "family search" website which gives very nice access to US census records, from 1940 backwards.

The good news was that we had a last name in common in our family tree, and some geography in common too. Now that I've placed her into my family tree, I can point her at a line that goes back to the colonies and to Scotland.

Thank you 23 and Me,
For your relationship guess,
And for searchable census data,
Thank you L.D.S.!

Safety First

Is there a way for me to surmise
Which airline window is likely to pop?
I’ll ask for an aisle seat in the skies
And keep my belt tight till we stop.

But They Didn’t Ask Me

This morning Facebook tried to get in everybody’s biz,
Trying to figure out, it seemed, just what hate speech is.
But lots of people hated being asked to take the quiz.

Poof

Theater sets disassemble quickly,
And for that I am truly glad.
But seeing a lovely set come down
Always makes me a little sad.

Woulda Never

On the train yesterday I heard a woman say “woulda never did that”. She said it twice. It got me thinking because I woulda never said that. I’ll say woulda for would have, but I wouldn’t say did there, and I wouldn’t put the never between the woulda and the done.

I never woulda done that.

That’s the closest I would come in my own habitual grammar.

I would never have done that.

I’d say that, too. But never would I generate:

I would have never done that.

I leave aside the did/done issue.

The linguists love to inform us that everybody has a grammar of some sort, but I wish I understood hers well enough to write a character who speaks that way.

There are forms of English grammar
Which I readily understand
But which I have failed to master -
They don’t rise at my command.

Play Going Well

To the audience, Harvey is invisible,
But his tale is clearly risible.
(We had the audience laughing,
Despite or because of our unseen staffing.)

Observation

Jupiter,
I’ve heard it suggested that you’re stupider
Than Mars.
But tonight
You did look bright,
Outshining all the stars.

Beware of Demotivation

Occasionally I’ve seen it turn out
That over-exercise leads to burn out.

Brisk

I know that Spring is coming,
And it will come to stay,
But due to Local Cooling,
That may not be till May.

Not Sure If This Came Up In Plato's Republic

If rule by one person
Is a monarchy,
Is rule by one swindler
A conarchy?

Fresh Blood

I’m voting for Zuckerberg
For the U.S. Senate.
At least one techie nerd
Ought to be in it.
But don’t get too perturbed.
He’ll never win it.

They Say

They say that poets are crazy
And often off their meds.
They say that poets are lazy
And ought to be working instead.

Such poets sit around thinking
Of making words sound right,
Without an apparent inkling
That surely it’s impolite

To rearrange a sentence
Until it beats like a drum.
You might think I’m due for repentance,
But that day never will come.

For the words in my head
Insist that I write
Till my fingers turn numb.

The Third Symphony As It Happens

So restful to be in an airport
Playing Beethoven, not CNN.
I am a news junkie, of course,
But they air the same story again and again.

In Boston

After a snowstorm gets out of hand
Broken branches litter the land.

Roles by Rote

Some lucky actors are blessed
And find their lines just “stick”.
The rest of us get stressed
And chant them till we’re sick.

Home Opener

"Snow, rain and cold temperatures couldn’t deter White Sox fans from attending the team’s home opener against the Tigers Thursday afternoon."

Chicago in the Spring...
That can mean anything.

Confidant

If you want to keep a secret,
Don’t trust human chat.
That can lead to leakage.
Only tell your cat.

Travelers

Bizarre funny story:

"The Rise in Self-Proclaimed Time Travelers: They’ve come from the future for two reasons: 1) To save us from ourselves; and 2) to make YouTube confessionals"

I find time travel pleasant.
I'm glad it was invented!
Living in the present
Leaves me somewhat discontented.

Lines, Lots of Lines

Went to a rehearsal
But in an odd reversal
I didn’t need to stay
Since I had no lines to say
Not in Act One, anyway
Which is what we were doing today.

(I worked on Acts Two and Three
At home, which suited me.)

Logistics

Mythical bunny needs speedy legs
To haul and hide so many eggs.

March 31, 1596

It’s René Descartes’ birthday... I think.
Do I sound doubtful? I am.
What if I’ve just been hoodwinked
By a demonic Wikipedia scam?

Enemy MIne

I used to treat my dogs with this stuff to prevent heartworm infection.

What If A Drug Could Make Your Blood Deadly To Mosquitoes?

I'm willing to give up
Some of my blood
If skeeters who sup
Will crash with a thud.

I Mean, Why Not?

I'm letting my hair grow out curly,
Fostering an attitude that's surly,
And celebrating April Fool's Day early.

I’m Not Quite Jewish, But...

A favorite Passover dish
Is known as gefilte fish.
I buy by the pound
From a deli I found
That sells me as much as I wish!

Arms And The Man

The second amendment - strangely it's still around,
Annoying opponents who claim it isn't sound.
Mere words on paper - oops, somehow it's the law.
Let's read it again - there must be a fatal flaw!

Infrequent

Rain in the desert:
Cactuses dripping,
Thirsty young lizards
Warily sipping.

Unusual Pool

A chance to swim in the sky.
Is this what it feels like to fly?
Would you want to give it a try?

After All, It Is The Perfect Shape

Why doesn't Excel show more deference
When I try to make a circular reference?

Data, Data, Everywhere

I hope my Facebook data is used
To further world peace.
But mostly I pray my rhymes are excused
By the new thought police.

Rescue Pups

'Colorado Springs firefighters said they were surprised to learn that the littler of "puppies" they rescued from a storm drain were actually baby foxes.... The "puppies" were taken to Powers Pet Emergency & Specialty, where veterinarians said they weren't actually dogs at all, but rather newborn red fox kits.'

Those vets. They know the secret signs whereby a canid is revealed to not be a domestic dog.

Baby dogs are pups.
Baby foxes are kits.
I'm not sure why this is
Or how they got mixed up.

Cosmic Daze

He thought he had been gifted by the gods.
She was as perfect as a work of art,
But warm and loving. What fantastic odds
Had brought them close? He felt his beating heart
Had somehow recognized her secret spirit,
A rhythm of her blood, a coursing rush
Of music too abstruse for ears to hear it.
He knew it was his brain that spawned this crush,
That spun the spell of leaping into love,
As if her soul were something made to order
To mesh with his. Not so much hand in glove
As hand in hand, toward a golden border.
Unsure if it was chance or hidden laws,
He uttered thanks unto the unknown cause.

Creepy Illinois State Voter Program

It comes in an envelope that looks like it might be official. The envelope has big red letters "Important Taxpayer Information Enclosed". But that's a falsehood, a trick to get you to open the envelope. The information isn't to do with taxes. It's to do with voting. And, strangely enough, it's a chart of whether I and some of my neighbors voted in elections in 2014 and 2016.

This is public information - not how you voted - but whether you voted.

Gateway Pundit says the "shady" group behind it is liberal. There's nothing explicitly liberal about the verbiage, except its creepy Cass-Sunstein nudge-like wording:

"Dear John,

What if your friends, your neighbors, and your community knew whether you voted?"

It goes on in that vein. And ends with a promise/threat to mail out an updated chart soon:

"You and your friends, your neighbors, and other people you know will all know who voted and who did not vote. DO YOUR CIVIC DUTY---VOTE!"

Dear Voter Program, please carefully note:
Freedom includes the right not to vote.
I wish you had told me whom YOU endorse -
I'd vote for his opponent, of course.

Standards

Person happy to go outside:
Let’s all get a whiff of fresh air!
Dog happy to go outside:
Hey someone peed over there!

Heard on the Street

Heard a bird
While on my walk.
Rat-a-tat-tat!
No song or squawk.
A woodpecker busy -
Pounding away.
I would get dizzy
Doing THAT all day!

NG

I was talking with someone whose native language is not English. Her English is generally excellent, but somewhat accented. Anyway, I was talking about the fact that German and Yiddish speakers tend to over-pronounce the "g" in our "ng" words. So, Long Island sounds a big like Lawn Guyland. Or singer is pronounced to rhyme with finger.

At this point, my friend stopped me and quizzed me. She didn't actually know that singer doesn't rhyme perfectly with finger. She says them the same way. And I listened carefully to her speech, and sure enough, she has the "hard version" of our "ng" sound, and doesn't actually say the soft version. Or, maybe she has one in-between sound. But I could definitely here the "explosive" "g" when she said singer.

With this variation
Of English pronunciation
You won't be misunderstood
But you won't sound perfectly good.

Fake Space News

"Is Chinese space station falling toward Michigan? Chances minuscule"

That's from the Detroit Free Pres. In one headline, they try to scare the locals and reassure them.

What goes up,
Must come down,
But Michigan?
Exactly which town?

City of

When you visit Chicago, remember to eat
More than you normally would.
We have big shoulders and huge appetites,
So kindly join in if you could!

Unsmooth Transition

March, I hear your name and think of Spring,
But then you send cold breezes just to bring
A blast of snow for Winter’s final fling.

First World Problem

I don’t suppose you care if
I can’t find a rhyme for tariff.

Harvey Casting

Instead of being cast as a silent invisible rabbit,
I’ve been cast as the judge.
When there’s a part with no lines I like to grab it,
But the director wouldn’t budge.

Through the Historical Looking Glass

This is a photo I snapped from an exhibit at Chicago's central public library. That's the cover of the first issue of a lesbian newspaper. The illustration shows Alice kissing the Red Queen.

"The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there." And one of the things they did in the early 70s, was represent children as having sort of proto-sexual interests. At that point, the Freudian establishment was still constantly hitting the drumbeat that children were sexual beings. The Freudians had some fairly dark views on this.

How old is Alice, you ask? Well, Wikipedia says:

"Alice is a fictional child living during the middle of the Victorian era. In Alice's Adventures in Wonderland (1865), which takes place on 4 May, the character is widely assumed to be seven years old; Alice gives her age as seven and a half in the sequel, which takes place on 4 November."

So, anyway, what really struck me was that the curators at the library went ahead and put this up on the wall. I'm surprised they weren't more concerned about the whole child-sexual-abuse thing! Is that girl old enough to consent to that kiss?

Perhaps the curators would agree
That even recent history
Already looks quite strange
After the flood of change.

Dogged

I was trying to stall my dog
Since I had some things to do.
I told her just to wait,
But then she brought my shoe.
I think she wants a walk
And this is her helpful clue.

Forbidden Fable

"China bans George Orwell's Animal Farm and letter 'N' as censors bolster Xi Jinping's plan to keep power indefinitely"

Call it the the sequel
To Orwell's bad dream.
Some are more equal,
And one reigns supreme.

No Go

My flight to Boston, canceled.
No, not once, but twice.
I want to see my grandson,
But the weather was not nice!

In Absentia

If I can get the title role
In this Harvey show,
I’m going for the title role
In Waiting for Godot!

White Rabbit

I auditioned tonight for Harvey.
I asked for the title role.
He’s never seen or heard from,
But I’d play him with lots of soul.

Suffrage the Children

I heard that people were all in a rage
To change the minimum voting age.
I thought they were saying sixty at first.
A little bit high, but perhaps not the worst.
And then I thought they were saying six.
That was my ears, just playing old tricks.
It’s really sixteen that is being proposed,
But six makes more sense, so my case is now closed.
What’s more, I think that the office of president
Should be open to every six year old resident.
Once you’re smart enough to read
Aren’t you ready to vote and lead?

Poet Nonlaureate

As poets go, in point of fact,
I’m anything but famous.
If you don’t know who I am,
You’re not an ignoramus.

Merely Rare

They say perfection’s impossible.
They say the world is glitched.
But baseball’s a counter example.
Perfect games have been pitched.

Month Two

February, you go so soon,
Leaving without leaping.
Sometimes you stay an extra day
For calendar housekeeping.
I dreamed we’d have more time but now
Your exit caught me sleeping.

To Bits

David Mamet has written a new play, about Harvey Weinstein. He has been talking to reporters in recent days, I think as part of a book tour for his new novel. Anyway, I found this paragraph from the Chicago Tribune interesting:

'He long ago and powerfully explored the matter of sexual exploitation in his 1992 two-character play (later a movie) “Oleanna.” “I think about this a lot now. I have a bunch of daughters, a young son,” he says. “Every society has to confront the ungovernable genie of sexuality and tries various ways to deal with it and none of them work very well. There is great difficulty when you are switching modes, which we seem to be doing now. People go crazy. They start tearing each other to bits.”'

"Ungovernable genie" is a nice phrase, and it does seem like people are tearing each other to bits lately. And the joining of the 2 ideas in a sentence makes me wonder if he was thinking of The Bacchae, the ancient Greek play in which the god of wine inspires a mob of women to literally tear a man to bits.

It's just a jest to declare
That a genie is involved,
But there may be puzzles here
That really haven't been solved.

It's Hard To Stop A Spree Killer In Advance, But...

I'm just gobsmacked by the repeated failures of law enforcement to stop this guy in Florida. The FBI received 2 tips, one extremely detailed and credible. The local cops had had a lot of prior dealings with this young man. And finally, to top it off, the sheriff's people had multiple officers stationed outside the school, guns in hand, positioned behind their cars, while the shooting was going on inside the school.

Yes, I realize it's early in the reporting cycle, and facts could still change, but...

When things just drop out of joint,
Suddenly, tragically wrong,
You often find there were multiple points
Of failure all along.

Blarney

The world's smartest pig
Is Irish, that's no sham.
His brain is extra big,
And he is a Cunningham.

Aftereffect

Melting snow
And rain galore
Have made my yard
A pond once more.

No Place Like

After I’ve journeyed
Around for a while
It’s good to return
To my own domicile.

In the San Jacinto Range

I do indeed worry I’ll fail
To keep to the right mountain trail,
But with GPS as my buddy,
Along with a bit of map study,
I somehow got out and back
While staying mostly on track.

In Palm Springs

Hummingbird hovering over the green,
Dipping for nectar while I sit serene,
What are the words that your song does not say?
Something perhaps that I might take away?

Petrified Forest National Park

Freakishly fossilized logs
From fallen Triassic trees,
Cells replaced by silica
And streaks of manganese.

Keeping My Mouth Shut

If your tongue
Got stung
By a bee
Would you be
Unable to speak
For most of the week?

News from Saugatuck

I've spent a lot of time in Saugatuck, Michigan. But this was news to me:

Saugatuck dog mistakenly approved for unemployment benefits

Will work for food
And improve your mood.

After Nine Days of Snow

From the Chicago Tribune:

"Southwest Airlines runs out of de-icer, cancels all flights from Midway"

In retrospect, having more de-icer
Would have been nicer.

Probiotic

I went to the airport cafeteria
To acquire an emotional support bacteria.
I sneaked it in, inside my system.
TSA just kind of missed him.

Up In The Air

Americans are getting wider and taller
But airplane seat space is getting smaller.
I’m scared to predict what will be the case
If both of these trends continue apace.

My Annual Metsphysical

A universe without stuffing
Would be a show about nuffing.

Dreaming

We’ll launch and eat our lunches
In electric cars,
Cruising midst the comets
On our way to Mars.

Horsedogship

Here is a funny short video of a neighbor's corgi riding a "one-eyed pony". It's another one of those "friendship across species" videos, but I was really struck by the extent of the cooperation in apparent imitation of human riding, especially since they reportedly worked this out on their own.

It's a dog and pony show.
I'm not sure how the dog says "whoa!"

Hopium

A friend of mine assured me
That winter was nearly gone.
I didn’t bother to argue.
I’m not sure what he was on.

Wendy MacLeod Bows to Crowd

"Kenyon professor calls off original play about cultural insensitivity amid criticism that it's culturally insensitive."

The playwright is Wendy MacLeod, who is pretty well known. Not like David Mamet, but pretty well known. And she is the "playwright in residence" at Kenyon College.

I've always wondered about these writer-in-residence jobs. They sound sweet. Except, apparently, that the sensitivity kids can keep you from putting up your play.

"The play is inspired by a true story in which a group of Guatemalan minors were forced to work on an Ohio egg farm; three of their captors were convicted and a fourth was indicted last year. MacLeod’s play imagines what might happen if one of the youth escaped to a nearby liberal arts college and encountered a group of less-than-culturally-sensitive white undergraduates."

But it wasn't "white" students who complained. It was "Latin American" students. They didn't like the way the Guatemalan was portrayed. They didn't like that another character used the word "illegal" to describe him. They didn't like that he didn't have many lines - and no English lines at all. They didn't like that he was a "stereotype".

Of course MacLeod caved.
And the college administration
Issued congratulations
On how they all behaved.

Beware of Rhyming Foods

An adventurous antelope
Whose mood was mostly jolly
Consumed a bad cantaloupe
And came down with meloncholy.

Pretzels, Better for Eating than for Posing

I’m bad at pretzel poses.
It’s really not my fault.
It’s just I always try them
With a great big grain of salt.

In case you raise the question,
That picture isn’t me.
The closest pose that I can do
Is known as Tipping Tree.

Unlikely

I saw an article claiming that credible academic philosophers are trying to revive panpsychism, the idea that everything, including stones and spoons, is conscious.

This makes me very happy, you see -
If rocks are conscious, there's hope for me!