Here's an article claiming to present "Obama's Five Rules of Scandal Response."

Wow. It's good he's worked out rules so quickly. Because if cascading scandals appear, he's ready!

But I want to look at just the first one: "Be transparent, to an extent."

So, to an extent transparent, and to an extent... the opposite.

Is it half transparent,
or half opaque?

It's not apparent
what difference it makes.

Delays

Daughter's flight, which was due at seven
still wasn't here at half past eleven.

It finally got here at half past one,
but our waiting wasn't done.

Her baggage took an hour to appear.
Finally, now, at last, she's here.

Maybe They Should Hire Me

The President Elect's staff has produced a report  [pdf] exonerating itself of unseemly involvement with the radioactive Blagojevich.

But - there is a typo in the report! On the first line of page 3, you will see "Valarie Jarrett."  Elsewhere it is correctly spelled "Valerie."

How could they mess up the spelling of Valerie?
Take away the editor's salary!

I don't know what their editor makes,
but I do catch most of my own misteaks.

Lot's Wife

I was re-admiring a poem by Anna Akhmatova today - "Lot's Wife". 

Lot's wife is the woman who was turned into stone for looking back at Sodom and Gomorrah.

I don't read Russian, so I cannot vouch for accuracy, but I like this version, which ends like this:

Who will grieve for this woman? Does she not seem
too insignificant for our concern?
Yet in my heart I never will deny her,
who suffered death because she chose to turn.

I wonder if this reflects a hesitation about the revolutionary impulse, which asks us all to disregard the past, disregard mere individuals, and keep eyes locked forward toward an imagined future.

They tell you "look ahead" -
that "nothing lasts".

But it's hard to forget
the beauties of one's past.

Franco-Pranks

First Sarah Palin fielded a phone call from the President of France. Only it wasn't.

Then the New York Times ran a letter from the Mayor of Paris. Only it wasn't.

If they claim to be French, and sound officious,
be suspicious.

Speeding Camera Humor

Hey kids, here's a funny gag. Print fake license plates from your computer, and speed by some speeding-ticket cameras.

For extra fun, use the license numbers of people you know!

Of course it won't be funny,
when it happens to me
and the state demands its money
for "my" speeding spree.

Cold

We saw Cold on its closing night at Dream Theatre.

I'm hoping it will be one of those seasonal favorites that get remounted every year, because I'd be glad to see it again. It's a short play, just an actor and an actress. The part for the actress is wildly expressive - an extreme extrovert - and Courtney Arnett took the role at full speed with stunning energy. Jeremy Menekseoglu, the playwright, was also the actor. He plays an intense introvert, and was very funny in a bit where he realizes that she has taken him to a predominantly gay party.

Despite the show's title, it was a heartwarming show, a kind of comedy, even romantic. People left the play smiling. As one synopsis has it:

...two people who always spend Christmas alone manage to find each other...

Yes, there are reasons they always spend Christmas alone. Let's just say they are humorous, but very troubled individuals.

But somehow they seem well-suited
and overdue to get their lives rebooted.

Chilly in Chicago

I suppose it's the longest day of the year somewhere else. Happy first day of summer to all you southern hemisphere people!

Well, the shortest day of the year
is a subzero one here.

For you international types, that's subzero F, which is rather cooler than subzero C.

I suppose there's no need to say
there never will be a subzero K.

Department of Duh

I've been a fan of Chicago's Dream Theatre Company for years, but I never really thought about their titular typography until today.

On their web page you will see that "DREAM" is spelled with a reversed R.

Today it dawned on me. The company was started in Moscow. 

The Russians have that letter, ya, that looks like a reversed R.

At last I have detected
what should have been suspected
but somehow got neglected.

Ouchie

Harvard researchers find that pain hurts more if you think someone meant to hurt you.

Banging your shin on the coffee table
somehow hurts less than a kick from Aunt Mabel.

We are born to apprehend
what others intend.

And our senses of pleasure and pain
get measured out by the brain.

Why the Wait?

Caroline is one of the anointed.
Now it's time to get her appointed
to the U.S. Senate.

She's our closest thing to royalty,
so let's show a little loyalty,
and send her there this minute!

Fast Fingered Fella

Barenboim blew into town to bang
on the 88.

St. Francis preaching to the birds
sure sounded great. 

Not So Pacific

Yoichi Shimamoto, and his wife, are suing United Airlines for giving him too much to drink.

While traveling high above the Pacific, he got drunk and struck her 6 times. Leading to legal trouble. Leading to this lawsuit.

The Shimamotos want United to pick up the $100,000 tab for Yoichi Shimamoto's bail, and defense and Immigration attorneys' fees, as well as the costs they incurred to have his probationary sentence transferred to Florida, where his wife had a home. They also want the airline to pay for pain, suffering, loss of income and "any other relief that is just and proper."

I think bad-tempered boozers
should finish as legal losers.

Just To Be Clear

Bush explains:

"I've abandoned free-market principles to save the free-market system..."

Let's have a free market without the "free",
frozen in motion, static,
sealed with a government guarantee -
not practical, but... pragmatic.

Jobs For Spouses

AP is reporting that our governor purposely withheld a state job from the wife of Jesse Jackson Jr.:

Blagojevich went out of his way to say, 'You know I was considering your wife for the lottery job and the $25,000 you didn't give me? That's why she's not getting the job.'

Oh no, 
that sounds so 
quid pro quo!

"Quid pro quo" is just "this for that" in the dead language of a fallen empire. But it remains important! 

Because if you're governor and you just happen to give a job to a contributor's wife, that's one thing. 

But if you give her a job in return for her husband's campaign contributions, that's another.

It's all about intent.
Was the hiring meant
as reward for money sent?

No Inappropriate Contact

"Obama says review found staff had no ‘inappropriate' contact with Ill. governor"

They need to re-think the wording on that one. It's making me think of a certain South Park episode.

Words that are strangely abstract
stray from foundations in fact.

Black SUVs All In A Row

I got to look down on Obama's motorcade today. He drove by under my window. I spotted the "flipped-up rear window" SUV at the end of the line, where some heavily armed guys ride with their fingers near the triggers.

Eyes watch out the back
ready to counter-attack.

In The Plaintive Mode

He desired the joy
of being rich.

He devised a ploy,
but hit a hitch.

Someone in his employ
became a snitch.

Weep, Illinois,
for Blagojevich!

Believe!

Apparently more Americans believe in the Devil than believe in Evolution.

Speaking off the level,
I believe the Devil
invented evolution
as an "evil contribution".

Also, he figured it would be a hellacious vexation
to all who believe in the 7 days of creation.

Deal Or No Deal?

Ah. So Obama said he was confident that his staff had done no "dealmaking" with Blagojevich.

But his chief of staff gave Blago a list of candidates who were "acceptable" to Obama.

It's on tape.

One source confirmed that communications between Emanuel and the Blagojevich administration were captured on court-approved wiretaps.

Blago went on to blast the man and bemoan
that Obama offered "appreciation" alone.

Meanwhile, our Illinois Attorney General went before the Illinois Supreme Court, trying to get the Gov declare "disabled." But it doesn't seem to have gone especially well.

One of the justices asked whether the Gov's problems really fit what the Illinois Constitution meant by "disabled." Our Attorney General answered:

I think the question you're getting at is, how is disability or is disability defined correct? And so yes, we did. It's addressed in our briefs. We would look to the fact that the term disability legally is very broad, that it is not simply isolated to a physical or mental disability. And you can read all about that in our pleadings. Yes.

I'm not sure what sort of disability is left after disposing of the "physical or mental". 

After disposing of body and mind,
there's not much Blago left to find.