Word Problem

During one complete trip around the sun, how many times does the earth spin on its axis?

It sounds like a no-brainer,
But then there's a remainder,
With an incremental creep
That requires us to leap.

And here's what I find scary,
We're stuck in February
For another freezing day.
It just won't go away.

Thank You, Name Police

Thou shalt not take his middle name in vain.

Which is too bad, because McCain
Rhymes so neatly with Hussein.

Wired Kids

This teacher, in Houston, had the misfortune to be teaching stupid kids. 4 year olds.

So she told them they were stupid kids. And she told them that they had been mean to her, so she was going to be mean to them.

So far so good.

But then it turns out, one little girl's mom had bugged the girl's backpack.

Now the teacher has been reassigned. And she has apologized. And her lawyer says it happened because she was on meds.

Such is the state to which we've come:
Before you dare to call kids dumb,
Beware of the meddling mother's ire!
And check if the kid is wearing a wire.

Recovering

Recovering substantially from my bout with influenza, I ventured back to my normal place of employment today.

Goodbye at last to shirking
On the Flemish Isle Of Flu,

And welcome back to working
In the Land Of Lots To Do!

Law Abiding Immigrants?

Now someone claims that immigrants are less likely to commit crimes than native born Americans. At least in California.

Hey, I resent that. I was born here. The police may start profiling people like me. All because of where I was born!

I hope the study has a flaw
Otherwise I fear the Law
Is going to question me
Every time there's a burglary spree.

Deadline Pressure Blues

Maxim magazine recently published a negative review of the new Black Crowes CD.

There was a problem. The CD was so new that advance copies had not yet been sent out when the review was written.

The Crowes' manager, Pete Angelus, said the magazine explained that its review was an "educated guess."

That's a valuable skill.

They had the deadline pressure blues
And sadly they got busted.
Now their guesstimate reviews
Will nevermore be trusted.

Antidepressants vs. Placebos

Someone just did a study of antidepressants claiming that "placebos work just as well, except in severe cases".

Of course, we could have reframed that claim: "placebos useless in severe cases." Shows you there are limits to the power of deceit and suggestion.

I also wonder if the placebos and meds actually work on the exact same people. Did they try to sort by suggestibility?

And how sure are we, anyway, that moderate "depression" and severe "depression" are really the same thing? One is feeling blue, and the other is staying in bed all day consumed by hopelessness.

Anyway, if you're feeling depressed,
Ask your doctor to suggest
A sugar pill to cheer your brain.

They're cheaper than Prozac, so don't complain.

The Fickle Faithful

According to a new study, Americans change religious affiliation at a high rate.

28% of American adults have left the faith of their childhood for another one. And that does not even include those who switched from one Protestant denomination to another; if it did, the number would jump to 44%

And guess who the biggest net recipient is?

The single biggest "winner," in terms of number gained versus number lost, was not a religious group at all, but the "unaffiliated" category. About 16% of those polled defined their religious affiliation that way (including people who regarded themselves as religious, along with atheists and agnostics); only 7% had been brought up that way.

But lots of people stop being "unaffiliated" too, and go back to various forms of religious belief.

The researchers emphasize the constantly churning membership of these groups. The most extreme case of "churn" seems to be the Jehovah's Witnesses...

...with a turnover rate of about two-thirds. That means that two-thirds of the people who told Pew they were raised Jehovah's Witnesses no longer are - yet the group attracts roughly the same number of converts. Notes Lugo, "No wonder they have to keep on knocking on doors."

At least we can rejoice
That we even have the choice
To chase our spiritual yearnings
Through a multitude of churnings.

Rambo Banned

The ruling generals of Burma/Myanmar have banned the new Rambo movie.

But it's a hot underground commodity among the locals.

So in addition to banning it, the government also ordered that negative reviews be published.

You see, the movie does not paint a pretty picture of the country or its government.

Do they fear that their junta might be overthrown
By Rambo, acting alone?

Awkward Questioning

The other night, Chris Matthews on NBC demanded to know what Obama's legislative accomplishments were. He was specifically asking State Senator Kirk Watson, of Texas, and the poor man couldn't come up with anything. Youtube has this awkward moment in television.

Since then, Mr. Watson has explained his failure to come up with anything:

And my mind went blank. I expected to be asked about the primary that night, or the big one coming up in Texas on March 4, or just about anything else in the news. When the subject changed so emphatically, I reached for information that millions of my fellow Obama supporters could recite by heart, and I couldn't summon it.

To be perfectly frank,
I do believe his mind went blank.

But I'm betting it's a rare supporter
Who could answer the reporter.

That's because legislative accomplishments do not matter. He's like young Arthur, the magical boy king. He doesn't need any stinking legislative accomplishments!

Why bother with all this technical stuff?
He pulled the sword from out the stone,
And speaks in a soothing baritone.
Isn't that enough?

Nader Returns

Ralph Nader is running for president again!

Nader won just 0.3 percent as an independent in 2004, when he appeared on the ballot in only 34 states.

That sounds low, I know.

But running for president is a good way to show off his warmth, wit, and personality.

Oh, wait.

Before I vote for Nader,
I'm writing in Darth Vader.

International Crime

Lancet, the prestigious British medical journal, ran an article attacking the "poaching" of African medical personnel.

No, it's not real poaching. No one is shooting or trapping these folks. But they are... offering them jobs, with better pay and working conditions, in other countries.

This creates a problem for the people who live in these countries. So where does the fault lie? With the African countries themselves and their disastrous economies? Not according to this article, which claims that the fault lies with the rich countries that "lure" these folks away:

"The practice should therefore, be viewed as an international crime."

Chain those African doctors down!
They can't be allowed to roam around
From place to place however they please.

Surely everyone agrees
As a moral matter beyond debate,
That they are the property of the state.

UPDATE: Eugene Volokh has now weighed in about the Lancet article:

Once you take the view that it's an "international crime" to urge or to help someone exercise his rights, you've undermined his practical ability to exercise his rights, and you've also gone a long way towards denying his moral entitlement to those rights. That is the road to serfdom, with each medical professional being the property of the lord of his manor (the local government, though of course speaking on behalf of the people).

Flu

I thought I had a cold, at first,
But now I think it was something worse.

Last night I came down with the chills - I couldn't walk around my own house without shivering uncontrollably. I needed a winter coat or an electric blanket to stop the shivers.

Marsha says that was a fever, which is typical of the flu.

Well, the flu vaccine was in plentiful supply this year, and I got a shot. But every year they have to guess which flu varieties will run wild, and this year they did not guess correctly. I hope they do better next year.

The scientists are desirous
Of anticipating
This ever-mutating
Virus.

Flirt Free Zone

Name that country:

The newspaper report said the men who were arrested Thursday could be released if they could prove they did not flirt with any women.

It's our friends, the Saudis. Here's what I want to know: once you're arrested, how do you prove you weren't flirting?

You think you can flirt
And not get hurt?

Jail awaits
You reprobates!

A Movable Feast

In high school I once filled out a form that asked for my specific ethnic identity. I could have picked Irish, which would have been close enough, but instead I wrote in Mixed Western European. I was only 3/8 Irish, as far as I could figure out.

My father, who is 3/4 Irish, was outraged, or at least pretended to be, and has been harassing me about it ever since. Just tonight, in an email, he told my extended family that if anyone needed to know the date for St. Patrick's Day, they could try asking me.

Well... I showed him. It turns out the Irish are celebrating it on a different day this year. March 15th instead of 17th.

Under the Church's rules, the General Norms for the Liturgical Year and Calendar, the saint's feast day does not rank as high as the Monday before Easter and has to be moved.

Spoilsport priests
Have moved the feast,
But beer consumption will not decrease.

Le Rouge et le Noir

I finally read Stendhal's The Red and The Black. I enjoyed reading it, but it was more an intellectual than an emotional pleasure. He's writing in the time of the Romantics, but he's quite different that, say, Victor Hugo.

Stendhal's characters are often in the dark about their own motivations, particularly when it comes to matters of the heart, where they seem to be more motivated by competition than by true attraction.

The book is centered on Julien Sorel, a young man of low social standing but high ability. France in the 1830's is not big on upward social mobility. Nonetheless, Julien pursues high ambitions and well-bred women.

But he loses his head
And winds up dead.

Symbols with Teeth

Someone at the Associated Press is surprised:

The polar bear can be found in just one place in United States — Alaska — and is perhaps as much a symbol of the state as alligators are of Florida. So you might think Alaska's politicians would be pounding on doors in Washington to protect it. You would be wrong.

I'm not surprised. Most people who live near dangerous predators don't see them as symbols. They see them as threats.

I like cats. But I'm not especially happy to hear that cougars are working their way back into the Midwest.

Nice kitty,
So pretty,
With such fine and powerful paws!

Pad on by.
Don't stop to try
How my head fits in your jaws.

The Daily Guilt Trip

Blogoloquaciousness challenges Chicago's daily guilt trip:

Now let's return to the not-so-glamorous, yet brilliant, marketing campaign the homeless man was taking part in. His catch phrase was a question, "Help the homeless today, sir?" This synecdochical phrasing leads you to believe that there is such a thing as an entity called "The Homeless." Perhaps they are a "community?" I'm not sure, but what we are told is that by giving this man our money, we are helping "The Homeless."

When I was a kid, they were just called bums.
This is the way that progress comes.

Lobbyist Qua Blonde

So is this "blonde lobbyist" story bad for McCain... or good?

Since the Times went public without anything solid - assuming they don't have more - does McCain just gain sympathy as a victim of a smear?

Be careful of making attacks
With airy gossipy facts.

No Going Back

Michelle Obama:

Barack Obama will require you to work. He is going to demand that you shed your cynicism. That you put down your divisions. That you come out of your isolation, that you move out of your comfort zones. That you push yourselves to be better. And that you engage. Barack will never allow you to go back to your lives as usual, uninvolved, uninformed.

My comfort zone
Is my own.

Leave it alone.