Archetypical

Even before the song was sung,
Freud’s rival was Forever Jung.

The Twenty Six

I was thinking of using homeschooling
To repeat first grade.
I liked it the first time - no fooling!
Maybe I should have stayed.
I managed to learn all the letters!
Really, what could be better?

Remote Office

Working from home for more than a week now. Today I broke down and bought an external monitor and wireless mouse/keyboard combo for my laptop. This made it a lot more comfortable to work.

I've got the external monitor set up as an extension, rather than a mirror, of my laptop. So I've got 2 screens, and I devote one, during the day, to my remote desktop.

Where did I get this equipment? Online? No, everybody is talking about delivery in a week. There's a shortage. The little computer store that's a block away? No. They are closed for the virus. The nearby OfficeMax store? No. They had no monitors for sale. The place that came through for me was WalMart. And the price was good.

I've seen this before, where WalMart comes through when specialty stores fail. I think it's their superior supply-chain.

If I must work from home,
I'd like it to be in a crystalline weatherproof dome,
But for now this room will do.
Compared to work it has a better view -
The windows at work are horribly unclear
Because they haven't been washed in more than a year.

Charmin The Musical, All 7 Songs

Probably my gears have slipped,
But here's all the words, so far, for the script.

Charmin Finale

Charmin the Musical, song 7, duet:

She: I'm sorry I sent you - that was outrageous.
And now that you’re back - are you maybe contagious?

He: I don’t think that I took chances much
But let me shower before we touch.

She: But what is that behind your back?

He: I have obtained the thing we lacked:
Twenty-four rolls tightly packed!

She: You did it. You did it. Why did I doubt you?
The truth is I never could live without you!

He: I did it. I did it. I feared that I couldn’t.
And if I didn't love you, I probably wouldn’t.

Both: Somehow love has the power to inspire us
To overcome anything, even this virus!

He: I must say you're looking unusually glamorous.

She: I must say I’m feeling exceptionally amorous.

Both: Perhaps we could somehow slip off to bed
In hazmat suits with hoods on our heads!

She: But before we start to get it on,
I’ve got to make a trip to the john.
So give me a roll of that Charmin I crave.

He: This may be the best gift that I ever gave!

She: Love invites fights

He: But is somehow disarmin’

She: I'll be your princess.

He: I'll be your Prince Charmin!

Both: And on that fair note, without further issue,
We wrap up our tale of extra soft tissue!

Argumentative

Never quarrel
With a squirrel.
It can swirl
Out of control.

All that chatter
Without matter
Begins to batter
And take its toll.

Don't Be AWOL at Roll Call!

Charmin the Musical, song 6, solo for husband:

He: I will go forth to face my fears
Some things are worth our pain and tears -
Including the right to wipe our rears.
I get in my car. I’m ready to roll.
I’ve swallowed my pride. I’ve prayed for my soul.
I’m going to Walmart, in search of my goal.
I’ve put on some gloves. I’m wearing a mask.
One roll of Charmin – that’s all I ask.
Why does this seem such a terrible task?
The aisles are empty – no paper goods.
Here is the shelf where the Charmin once stood.
I should have stocked up – way back when I could!
I guess I should leave – try the next store!
But what’s this I’m seeing at that distant door?
It looks like a stock clerk coming out on the floor.
Is this for real, or just a mirage?
He’s got enough Charmin to fill a garage.
Maybe even enough for Nikki Minaj!
I charge at full speed before others can score.
I take just take one package, but it’s twenty-four -
Twenty-four rolls! I am thrilled to my core!
Other shoppers are trying to tear it away,
So I weave and I dodge in a football ballet
Till I get to the check-out line, and I pay!

Prognostication

Future: hazy.
Present: stir crazy.

Somehow Not The Same

Have dating sites met their doom,
Or are people going out for drinks on Zoom?

The Musical Rolls On

Charmin the Musical, song 5.

Solo for her.

Oh my, what have I done?
I sent my husband off on a toilet paper run.
Why did I do this? Really, for what?
Bottom line: to wipe my butt.
Is that any way to treat my poor hubby?
Doesn’t it seem a little bit grubby?
If I tried... I could probably find
Something else... to wipe my behind.
Compared to Charmin, there's nothing as nice,
But I am prepared to sacrifice.
I love him more than life itself.
I’ll take whatever’s on the shelf.
And if in fact the shelf is bare
I’ll go without. It just seems fair.
I must go to him now, and make my confession
I squeezed him too hard with my Charmin obsession!

Charmin the Musical, Song 4

Duet:

He: My darling, my dear, I have things to confess.

She: My darling, your language is causing me stress.

He: Promise me, sweetie, that you won’t be mad.

She: You must tell me first what you did that was bad.

He: I told you a fib. Just a little white lie.

She: Was this about Charmin? I THINK YOU SHOULD DIE!

He: Calm down, please, calm down - that’s a little extreme.

She: Calm down? When you say that - I just want to scream!

He: I did not go shopping. My heart just turned chicken.

She: I stare at your face and I feel my heart sicken.

He: How can I ever win back your affection?

She: By showing true grit in this time of infection!

He: How can I show it? Is that even feasible?

She: Just bring me a roll of the stuff that is squeezable!

That’s all I can say, and I won’t say no more.

He: All right! I will do it! I’m off to the store!

She exits.

He: Oh no. I am doomed. I am chilled to my core.
But though I die trying, I’m off to the store!

Charmin, the musical, continued

Scene 2, from my new musical, solo for husband:

How can I ever explain to my wife
That toilet paper is not worth my life?
Shopping threatens my very existence.
Standing in line doesn’t leave any distance!
I’m afraid I don’t really want to be harmin’
My own future health by shopping for Charmin.
I told her I went to the store - went inside.
But let me confess to the truth here - I lied.
I love her so much, and would love to be true,
But cowardly fear in the face of this flu,
Has made me a liar. Now what do I do?

Scene 3, solo for wife:

I’m sorry to tell you, I’ve come to suspect
My husband is guilty of spousal neglect.
He promised to love me, to cherish, obey,
But I’m out of Charmin for nearly a day!
Did he go to the store, or is that just deceit?
He brought me no Charmin - not even one sheet!
I fear that our marriage will end in a split.
I really need something to wipe when I... sit
On the porcelain throne, but what can I do?
This holding-it-in has my face turning blue!

In Search

From my new musical:

She: I sent you out for just one thing,
The product I cannot live without,
The plushy roll that makes me sing -
Charmin is what I’m talkin about.

He: I’m sorry dear, I really tried,
I did my level best, I swear.
Store after store, I went inside
But squeezable Charmin was never there!

Slow

Regulations function
Like brakes,
And often resist removal.
When it’s time for quick action
You find that approval
Still takes as long as it takes.

Wuthering

Visit Wuthering Heights,
Where you can see the sights,
And sip a vicarious taste
Of willful lives laid waste
Until a new generation
Reaches a reparation.

Census

The census wanted to know my race.
As to the genetic trace
Of native peeps,
I let that sleep.
As to the breakdown of white ingredients,
I put “etc” by way of expedience.

Status

I'm shirking from home,
Browsing online,
Composing a poem,
And feeling quite fine.

Chirper's Return

Robin hopping around the yard,
I don't really know how hard
Your life may be, but welcome back!
Spring is here, and I've felt the lack
Of seeing you hunt the dirt for bugs
Like golden coins in silken rugs.

HSPD!

That’s my great grandfather from County Kerry,
Who lived through
The Spanish Flu
Which I think was lots more scary.

Instead of Kiss Me I’m Irish, today we say:
Wave to me from six feet away,
So we all may endure
To be sure, to be sure.

As If By Law

Although I don't know why,
It seems that when supply
Goes low, the price goes high.

Southward to Safety

Antarctica has zero cases,
So I'm heading to this safest of places,
Where I will
Just chill.

Eerie

Went for a 3 mile run.
No one on the streets.
No one there to greet.
When will this be done?

Tell Me Please

Is that sneeze
A bad disease,
Or is that sneeze
Just allergies?

Swags

A SWAG is a Scientific
Wild Assed Guess.
Hearing a lot of them lately?
I would say yes.

Timing

If you are the type who likes bucking the trend,
Try not to get sick at the top of the bell
When the hospitals just might be busy as hell.
If you must get sick, try the start or the end,
When the docs will have time to see that you mend.
Of course you could even... try to stay well.

Social Distancing

We’re closing everything, to keep alive
People who are over 65,
Of which I’m one, so thanks for all the trouble.
Now I guess I should hide out in a bubble!

Nothing to Fear

We have nothing to fear
But fear itself
And the lack of toilet paper
On the shelf.

Pan

The great god Pan stalks,
His footsteps unseen but heard,
Like the rustling of a bird.
Fear follows where he walks,
Shaking the hearers' hearts
With sudden fits and starts.

Advance Notice

What crisis comes next? Tell me please.
I need to develop some quick expertise.
All too often I find
My mind is one crisis behind.

Economics

With the price of oil down,
And the market looking dire,
I can afford to cruise the town,
As long as I don’t retire.

DST Returns

Falling back is easy.
But springing forward always makes me queasy.

I’d like to avoid this shock.
Let’s just lock the clock.

Belltower Sounds

I heard a clock strike twelve at night.
Supposed to be the hour of fright.
But, snuggled warmly in my bed,
I find it hard to summon dread.

Winter Must End

Fifty geese overhead at night,
A giant V formation,
Honking loudly in their flight -
North, their destination.

Bloomberg Super Bluesday

American Samoa.
It's where I plan to goa,
To see why they like
My bud, Mr. Mike!