Thursday, March 26, 2020

Don't Be AWOL at Roll Call!

Charmin the Musical, song 6, solo for husband:

He: I will go forth to face my fears
Some things are worth our pain and tears -
Including the right to wipe our rears.
I get in my car. I’m ready to roll.
I’ve swallowed my pride. I’ve prayed for my soul.
I’m going to Walmart, in search of my goal.
I’ve put on some gloves. I’m wearing a mask.
One roll of Charmin – that’s all I ask.
Why does this seem such a terrible task?
The aisles are empty – no paper goods.
Here is the shelf where the Charmin once stood.
I should have stocked up – way back when I could!
I guess I should leave – try the next store!
But what’s this I’m seeing at that distant door?
It looks like a stock clerk coming out on the floor.
Is this for real, or just a mirage?
He’s got enough Charmin to fill a garage.
Maybe even enough for Nikki Minaj!
I charge at full speed before others can score.
I take just take one package, but it’s twenty-four -
Twenty-four rolls! I am thrilled to my core!
Other shoppers are trying to tear it away,
So I weave and I dodge in a football ballet
Till I get to the check-out line, and I pay!

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