At The North Pole Re-Education Camp

The language police and the weight police are out to reform Santa:

Newspapers abroad have been filled with headlines bemoaning the plight of Australian Santas ordered not to say “ho, ho, ho” for fear of offending women or scaring children, and British Santas sent to boot camp to lose weight.

And our own acting Surgeon General is getting in the act:

“It is really important that the people who kids look up to as role models are in good shape, eating well and getting exercise. It is absolutely critical.”

Is it really critical
Or maybe just political?

Ho Ho Ho
Santa's got to go!

We'll replace him with someone cautious and thin
Who checks out exactly what subgroup you're in
And changes his language to never offend
But when he goes back up the chimney again
He'll leave you no gifts - they're materialistic!
And circling the globe is imperialistic!
So he'll sit at home and just send out emails
Careful to never write "Ho ho!" to females.