Who

An owl calls "who" in the midnight air
And I wonder just how to answer that call.
A name is so short. It sits, barely there.
A life is so long. How to capture it all?

Junk Bonds

Moody's has dropped Chicago bonds to junk status.

Basically, the city has unfunded pension trouble. Past politicians put off funding the generous pension plans they offered to employees. Moody's does have a solution:

'Balanced against the city’s many credit challenges are several attributes, the greatest of which is the city’s broad legal authority to tap into its large and diverse tax base for increased revenue,” Moody’s wrote.'

Of course, the trouble with raising taxes, is that you can kill off growth, lose population, and go the way of Detroit.

I hope we muddle through.
How? I haven't a clue.

Pump Question

What is it with the price of gas?
It jumps way up and down so fast.
Is this normal for a commodity?
Or is this just a product oddity?

British Polls

The Conservatives (Tories) just won a big election in the UK. The surprise was that the pollsters were predicting a close race, but it wasn't close. Strangely enough, the gamblers predicted the big win.

I think it's rather funny
that people betting money
beat the scientific polling.

I don't suppose the pollsters find this consoling.

Would You Like Some Guilt With Your Flowers?

In the Washington Post, timed to rain on your parade:

"Flowers may be nice for Mom, but they’re terrible for Mother Earth"

But Mother Earth is made of dirt
and cannot have her feelings hurt.

Hate Group List

There are reports that the "Southern Poverty Law Center" is going to add a cartoonist, who won that "draw the prophet" contest, to its hate group list.

ISIS doesn't seem to be on the list, however.

I'd say that as a source of hate,
they're really great.

Freedom of Speech

Eugene Volokh spells it out for those who were mistaught Constitutional Law:

"Hateful ideas (whatever exactly that might mean) are just as protected under the First Amendment as other ideas. One is as free to condemn Islam — or Muslims, or Jews, or blacks, or whites, or illegal aliens, or native-born citizens — as one is to condemn capitalism or Socialism or Democrats or Republicans."

I was put in mind of a famous quote of Jefferson's. It appears on the dome of his Memorial:

"I have sworn upon the altar of god eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man."

All that hostility,
sounds like hate speech to me,
but somehow it's still free.

You can't ban speech
just because you regard it as hateful,
it escapes the government's reach,
and for that we should all be grateful.

Advice to the Young

Don't let your quarter-life crisis
Lead you to join up with ISIS.

Your life may end up shorter,
And what you thought was a quarter,
May turn out to be your life entire,
Cut off abruptly by enemy fire.

Carlyle on Heroes

At book club tonight we discussed Thomas Carlyle's book on Heroes & Hero Worship & the Heroic in History, based on some lectures he gave in 1840. The book itself I found an unreliable guide to the announced topic, full of preachy fulminations in the 19th century style. I remember finding it unreadable when I was in college.

The theory of historically relativistic truth is incidentally championed. Of course in a literal sense, something can be "true then but not true now". For instance, "Virginia is a British colony" was true once, but no longer. But to say that Dante's beliefs were true once, and no longer, is a deeply problematic form of discourse, if it is to be taken seriously. 

Embracing contradiction

Brings on mental friction. 

Russ Tutterow

I was saddened to see that Russ Tutterow has died. He was the person in charge at Chicago Dramatists for a long time. Years ago I took 4 play-writing classes there, including a class he gave on the business side of play-writing, which was frank and helpful.

As with the other arts,
there's money at the top,
but few songs make the charts,
and lots of plays go flop.

End of First Weekend

Devilish Children is one quarter done. 

I'm onstage quite briefly, but it's always fun. 

Devilishly Sweet Review

Well, when you're in a play, it's always nice to see a line like this:

"4 out of 4 stars"

We opened Friday, the audience seemed to enjoy it both Friday and Saturday, and now we see that at least one critic, John Glines, liked it a lot.

"Each story, and each character, is unique and humorous, and the Devilish Children whom Little Karl encounters rhyme throughout. Each actor’s German accent was spot on, and their characters all had their own mannerisms and dispositions which really brought them to life. The sound design was especially beautiful; there was a lot of word painting going on with the music, as the music reflected the current mood of the play."

Four stars out of four!
I know it's the maximum score,
but couldn't he give us more?

(We always strive
for five.)

Devilish Children

I'm acting in a play at Dream Theatre.

We open tomorrow with The Devilish Children and the Civilizing Process. It's an adaptation of a classic 19th century German book for children, "Der Struwwelpeter", which is a collection of short rhymed stories.

This play adds a through-line, a hero's journey, for little Karl, aged 3.

Although the original stories are for children, our production runs to the graphic, and you should only bring children who won't be terrified.

These cautionary tales
were originally designed,
to scare bad children into
a civilized state of mind.

Marathon, No. Fringe, Yes.

Yesterday I got an email that opened like this:

"Thank you for entering the 2015 Bank of America Chicago Marathon lottery. We regret to inform you that your name was not selected."

I was feeling sort of unlucky.

Then tonight I got an email that opened like this:

"Dear FringeNYC Participant,

That’s right, Participant! CONGRATULATIONS! Your production of O'Brien & O'Brian has been ACCEPTED, and on behalf of The Present Company and the entire FringeNYC team, we want to welcome you to FringeNYC."

My play got into the NYC Fringe.
I feel my brain is about to unhinge.

Major League Wildness

The White Sox are playing the Orioles tomorrow, in Baltimore.

There won't be much of a crowd -
no fans are allowed.

It's some kind of safety thing because of the riots in the city of Edgar Allen Poe. Apparently it has never happened before in the history of major league baseball.

Things are out of hand
when fans are banned.

I wonder what Poe would have thought of this.

Once upon a baseball season, having lost all trace of reason,
I sneaked in to see the Orioles play as they have played before.
While I watched them, barely waking, suddenly there came a breaking,
As of someone boldly taking, hatchets to the stadium door.
"'Tis some rioters," I muttered, "breaking though the stadium door -
It's a mess, in Baltimore."

Professor Has Had It

Prof goes off on class,
says none shall pass.

"The lengthy, fiery email to students explained to students why they would all be receiving failing grades, included is Horwitz’s claim that the students were spreading untrue online rumors about his wife and that he felt threatened enough to physically teach the course that he required police protection."

Administration says no,
this isn't a go.

I'd say he sounds excitable.
At least that's not indictable.

Just the Ticket

A speeding ticket for 58 thou?
Just, wow.

He was going about 14 mph over the limit. It happened in Finland:

"Mr. Kuisla is a millionaire, and in Finland the fines for more serious speeding infractions are calculated according to income."

He says he's thinking of leaving the place.
I can see where he would, if he likes a fast pace.

Dog Whispering

When teaching "down" to a lazy pup,
you may first need to get her up.

Secrets

What if Millard Fillmore, deep inside,
secretly identified
not as a he
but a she?

Were it so, it would be
plain to see
(if you weren't too leery
of current gender theory)
that due to her inner belief,
Fillmore was our first female commander in chief.

Raisins Raising Constitutional Issues

These raisins are in the hands of the Supreme Court:

"The National Raisin Reserve — which is overseen by the Fresno-based Raisin Administrative Committee — is part of post-World War II-era program that forces raisin producers to give part of their annual crop to the government to prevent an oversupply of the dried fruit."

The National Raisin Reserve demands
raisins for free from the farmers' hands.

I think these farmers have their nerve,
defying our National Raisin Reserve.

Support the Reserve, which is trying to keep
raisins from getting way too cheap!

Formicidae

It's the season of the ants

And they do their conga dance

In my dining room and kitchen 

And I tell you I am itching

To eliminate their presence 

For I find it quite unpleasant 

When each grape in my big bunch

Has a little extra crunch

From some tiny head or thorax. 

I have got to lay down borax!

ISIS Wannabe

Worth a try, I guess:

"Lawyers for a suburban teen accused of trying to join Islamic State terrorists in Syria are making a new bid for his freedom while he awaits trial on charges they argue should be dismissed on First Amendment grounds."

He's unlikely to be let loose
if that's his best excuse.

First Responder

And now, the Uber driver as superhero. It happened on the north side of Chicago.

"Authorities say no charges will be filed against an Uber driver who shot and wounded a gunman who opened fire on a crowd of people in Logan Square over the weekend."

No charges? That's a good start.

Actually, I'm on board
for giving him an award.

Why Aren't There More Books?

As for work of actually doing the writing,
I think that very few people find it exciting.

Dallas Buyers Club

Saw Dallas Buyers Club. Fine acting job by Matthew McConaughey as the rodeo-rider turned FDA-bashing entrepreneur.

I'm deeply sympathetic to the cause of getting pharmaceuticals out from under government control.

But I felt like the story was slow, and dwelt a lot on misery, in a way that bored me at times.

Maybe it's more interesting if you didn't follow these events when they were happening.

For me this slice of history
lacked a sense of mystery.

Ay, Chihuahua!

TSA
finds stowaway:

"A sneaky Chihuahua made it all the way to LaGuardia Airport in its owner's luggage — only to have the trip spoiled by the Transportation Security Administration."

Don't let your pup
get packed up.

If you hear a tail wag,
recheck your bag.

Dosage And Diminishing Returns

The NYT has an interesting article up about the controversial question: what dose of exercise is best?

"Two new, impressively large-scale studies provide some clarity, suggesting that the ideal dose of exercise for a long life is a bit more than many of us currently believe we should get, but less than many of us might expect."

Basically, you can get a log of positive effect just by working up to something vigorous walking for about an hour each day. After that, any increased benefits plateau. You hit a point of diminishing returns.

Curiously, they didn't find a point at which a steady high dose became life-threatening. There has been some worry about that - about possible cardiac problems arising specifically in heavy-training marathoners, for example. But, at least on net, they didn't see that in their longitudinal studies.

As I always tell people, you can get a lot of the benefit of exercise without much suffering. It's not all about masochistic marathon training or grueling CrossFit routines. Those things seem to be good for you, but the big long-term benefits are low-hanging fruit, that require effort, but not all that much effort.

So, anyway, an hour a day of moderate exercise is highly beneficial.

If only some lab could make it,
into a little pill,
requiring no act of will,
then everyone would take it.

Forsythia

Flowering bush pushes the notion, that Spring may really be in motion.

Penalty Phase

Now that they've decided the Boston Marathon bomber is guilty, which wasn't much in question, they somehow have to decide whether to kill him or not.

A friend of mine suggested that they would decide not to kill him, because it was cheaper to keep him alive.

I think it's true that it's cheaper to keep him alive - mostly because of all the mandatory appeals that have been built into the death penalty system.

But I told my friend that they may see execution as worth the extra cost. I mean, how much money have we spent on this guy already? Tons.

It's clear that the criminal justice system does not operate on a simple cost/benefit ratio. And, even if it did, what is the psychological/social value of giving this guy a lethal injection? It's manifestly clear that a lot of people feel it's a good idea.

When facing a monstrous deed,
many will feel the need
to bury the beast
at the very least.

It Happened In Romeoville

Late at night, with a knife, the robber sneaked in...
but then got clobbered with a bowling pin.

I'm not making this up:

"Romeoville Police Commander John Ferdinardo said a married couple with a child were sleeping at the time, but the husband got up after hearing a noise in the house. The husband then spotted the intruder who was holding a knife and hit him on the head with a souvenir bowling pin."

If he wanted to have any chance at all,
he should have brought a bowling ball!

Opera vs. Musical

Chicago's Lyric Opera, in recent seasons, has taken to including a Broadway musical in their season. This year it's "Carousel". I was amused to see that it was reviewed by their head theater critic, rather than their classical music critic. I guess that's logical.

But I'm not sure how perfectly logical the opera/operetta/musical distinction is. I see that there are differences among them as genres. But if you step back, they look awfully similar.

You string together a story
while singing for glory.

Just a Bug

Facebook rebuts its accusers:
A bug made us track non-users!

Well, non-users in the sense of people who didn't directly visit Facebook. But apparently they visited some part of the far-flung FB empire, i.e., some web-page run by Facebook.

“It is important to note that tracking of non-users initiates even if one does not visit the Facebook homepage,” the researchers wrote. “In principle, any page belonging to the facebook.com domain will result in the placement of a long-term, identifying cookie (e.g., an event page, a shop page, fan page …).”

Beware of bugs,
they crawl under rugs,
and into your bed,
and chew on your head,
and into your brain,
to drive you insane.

Who Makes These Days Up?

Reportedly it's Sibling Day,
and without quibbling I can say
that I have eight
who are first rate.

Weather Report

Between two rains the sun comes out.

The sidewalks gently glisten. 

More water's coming - so they shout,

But I don't want to listen.

I walk in shirtsleeves in the warm,

A rather happy fella,

Not focused on the coming storm,

But armed with an umbrella. 

Reelected

Rahm Emanuel has been reelected as mayor of Chicago.

Outside of Chicago, among conservatives, Emanuel is often regarded as an arch-progressive.

But inside the city, Emanuel was regarded as the more conservative candidate. Particularly as regards fiscal matters.

In the media, the big question to ponder is: Has Emanuel been humbled? Perhaps in some sense he has been. But most of the Chicagoans that I know are less worried about the man's attitude and more worried about the city's future cash flow.

Visions of bills
coming due soon,
can give you the chills
on a warm afternoon.

Orthorexia

I've seen articles lately on a behavioral disorder called "orthorexia nervosa". The idea is that you can be too obsessed with "healthy eating", often on the basis of some inadequately researched food fad.

"All I could think about was food. But even when I became aware that my scrabbling in the dirt after raw vegetables and wild plants had become an obsession, I found it terribly difficult to free myself. I had been seduced by righteous eating."

Either I never had this, or I'm in remission.

I fear my tastes in food
are kind of rude.

I think that gluten's yummy
in my tummy.

And I've been known to spend the day
munching chips from Frito-Lay.

Will That Tower Fit In My Yard?

I imagine I'm supposed to be horrified by the ongoing re-privatization of art:

"With government subsidies to public institutions being cut back, museums in countries like Britain, the Netherlands and Germany need the income from art sales to close budget gaps, make repairs or finance expansions. That has led to fears that masterpieces will disappear from public view to adorn the living room walls of a Saudi prince or hedge-fund billionaire."

Most of this artwork is probably languishing in storage, anyway. Museums just put a fraction of their collections on the wall.

I'm hoping that I
can very soon buy
the Leaning Tower of Pisa,
and maybe the Mona Lisa.

In Need of Direction

If that was Easter, when is Wester? 

And which of the two is bester?

Mythic Visitors

Santa keeps track of who's been good.
You get lots of gifts if you do what you should.

But Bunny is glad to leave you some eggs,
regardless of whether you followed the regs.

Dog Tired

Played hard
In yard.

Now flopped on floor.
Later I'm sure
She'll want to play more.

Easter Moon

I was eating dinner when I looked out the window and saw the full moon staring at me. And I was jolted by the awareness that, oh, of course, it's Easter weekend, and we can't have Easter without having a full moon first!

First full moon of spring,
Old friend from outer space,
I am glad to see your face
And I heartily embrace
The brightness that you bring.

Hypothetical

I'm dreading
A wedding
In a pizzeria.

Whether gay
Or nay
It's a bad idea.

The Culture Wars Continue

Nick Gillespie has published a long analytical rant entitled:

"Everybody's Lost Their G*ddamn Mind Over Religious Freedom"

That asterisk is just my subtle way of trying to keep this a family blog. But I agree with his sentiment.

My favorite line:

"Which isn’t to suggest that America is the same seething pit of homophobia it was during Three’s Company thousand-year reign of terror, either."

Can't we all just get along?
Apparently not. That would be wrong!

Your Share Of Internet Billions

I heard an ad the radio the other day.

Some guy, "against the counsel of his advisers", was willing to share his secrets of how to make lots of money on the internet - telling you how to get "your share of the internet billions" - without even having to go online!

I think you could send away for his free advice. I have a hunch that his free advice might involve paying for some additional items.

But the best part, for me, was when he said you could make "up to 500 dollars a day or more". It was the "up to... or more" construction that struck me as beyond nonsensical.

TV Tropes has taken note of this sort of claim and has their own theory:

'The intent is that "up to 50% or more", instead of being interpreted as "anything", is often interpreted as "most likely 50% with possibilities of taking it to the next level", and thus the advertisers try to get consumers thinking they could save even more than that. Does this really work? It must, because advertisers (particularly low-budget ones) keep doing it.'

Is it a ceiling
or is it a floor?
I am left reeling
by "up to or more".

Party Gone Wrong

When I first saw that "2 men dressed as women" had attempted to ram the NSA gate at Fort Meade, I wondered what that was about. Was it a disguise? Were they cross-dressers? Were they transgendered in some way?

In some circles you would be required to first inquire as to how these individuals identified themselves, gender-wise. Perhaps it wasn't "2 men dressed as women". Perhaps it was 2 trans-women, dressed as women, despite being born with male bodies.

I'm sure we'll learn more, but for now there's this: "Preliminary information indicated the two men were partying at an area hotel with a third individual when they took that individual's car without permission."

The "partying" part makes me think that they just meant to "have fun", and that things went horribly wrong. One of them's dead now.

When you're on a bender,
no matter what your gender,
only intrude on a fort
as a last resort.

Age Group Bling

This is from a 5k yesterday, my first organized run of 2015.

If there are only 4 guys my age in the race,
I can sometimes take 2nd place!

The Past Is A Foreign Country...

...they do things differently there.

My wife came across this artifact from the past:



It's obviously old. There's no zip code, so it's pre-1963. You can read a bit about the company, which sold novelties in the back of comic books here.

It's mostly being passed around as a misogynist artifact now.

You can also find examples of this shoe on the other foot, like this cartoon from the New Yorker, which still seems to be on sale:


The metaphor of mate-finding as a form of hunting is an old one. This metaphor can make people nervous, for obvious reasons. And things that make people nervous... can also make them laugh.

It can be a delicate line
a matter of careful design
between outrageous gaffe
and belly laugh.

Trollway Travels

Radio Free Europe has a dismaying but intriguing interview with a guy who says he's a former professional troll - for the Russians.

'There are thousands of fake accounts on Twitter, Facebook, LiveJournal, and vKontakte, all increasingly focused on the war in Ukraine. Many emanate from Russia's most famous "troll factory," the Internet Research center, an unassuming building on St. Petersburg's Savushkina Street, which runs on a 24-hour cycle. In recent weeks, former employees have come forward to talk to RFE/RL about life inside the factory, where hundreds of people work grinding, 12-hour shifts in exchange for 40,000 rubles ($700) a month or more.'

And yes, they have full sock-puppet arguments with each other, troll-to-troll, creating the appearance of differing opinions that are nonetheless united on the basic premise, let us say, that Vladimir Putin is a great guy.

If you're going to be a troll,
Set yourself a financial goal.
Why spend lots of time
Dispensing fake slime
Unless you are on the pay roll?

Neighbor's Puppy Recaptured

I was walking from my house to the train this morning, and I was on my cellphone alerting my dad to the fact that the Tribune had a story on page 3 about me. He was asking me whether the story was scandalous or not, claiming that he didn't want to read anything shockingly bad about me.

Just about then, I spotted a loose puppy, charcoal grey, maybe a French Bulldog, crossing the street toward me, running away from a man and a little girl. It looked sort of like this:



The man shouted out a request for me to stop the puppy.

So I squatted and gestured to it, and it parked itself about a foot in front of me, and I grabbed it by the scruff of the neck. It growled at me a little, but stayed put while the man came to retrieve it.

And while doing this, I actually carried on the conversation with my dad pretty well.

And so, without messing up
I somehow managed to handle
Both a fugitive pup
And scurrilous rumors of a scandal.

Rhyming in the Trib

The Chicago Trubune ran an article about my versifying, and ironically I was so preoccupied by the article yesterday, that I didn't post to this blog!

Article is here. It's written by Gregory Pratt, photo by Chris Sweda.

It's about my rhyming addiction,
And strictly true - no fiction!

The article may be behind their paywall, but if you don't want to register you may be able to get a view by googling for the article, say by googling Chicago Tribune and my name.

First Snow of Spring

The robins are feeling surly.
They think they came back too early.

Changing Tires

Showed my daughter how to change the tire on her car today. (Her husband is out of town.) I had her do a bunch of the work, explaining precautions along the way. She said it was easier than she thought it would be. We did have the great advantage of doing it in a dry warm space - namely her building's garage.

But... how did I fail to show her this before? Now I'm wondering if my son knows how to do it.

During my lifetime, knowing how has actually become less important. Nowadays, with cell phones, you can usually just call someone.

But when your tire loses its air,
it's good to know how to put on the spare.

Clogged

New York City is forever facing some threatened apocalypse, and is forever muddling through, at least so far.

And now another rough beast slouches forth:

"Baby Wipes are destroying the New York sewer system"

They say that cute little wipes,
are wrecking the big city pipes.
They tangle into a mass,
through which nothing further can pass.

Controlling the Language to Control the Ideas

In the pages of the New Republic, a writer boldly requests that the word "taxpayer" should vanish:

'While “people” designates the broadest possible public as the subject of a political project, “taxpayer” advances a considerably narrower vision—and that's why we should eliminate it from political rhetoric and punditry.'

It's a bad word
and shouldn't be heard.

Return of the Robins

My yoga teacher said she saw a robin
Last Saturday when we were doing Tree.
Balanced on just one leg and badly wobbling,
I dared not turn my head to try to see.

Today, according to the Wonks of Weather,
Spring comes at last and I am glad to hear it.
You know the winter can't go on forever
But in Chicago I begin to fear it.

I dream that now we've hit the equinox,
The snow will fall no more, or only slightly,
That robins will return in chirpy flocks,
And daffodils will flash their trumpets brightly.

At least, I hope that's where this weather's heading.
I really think I've had enough of sledding.

Seasons and Reasons

"As trite as it sounds, mistakes are better teachers than parents. Rather than preventing our kids from experiencing failure, we instead must show them how to interpret it."

That's from my friend Debra Ross's new book, Seasons and Reasons: A Parent's Guide to Cultivating Great Kids. The Kindle version is free today as I write, in one of these promotional offer deals.

I'm about 21 percent in. Yes, as many of you know, that's the sort of fact you have available when you read in Kindle format.

It's a charming book, easy to read, reflective about being an active parent.

A life without setbacks must be
a boring ride, short on glee.

Only Outlaws Will Drive

Elon Musk, founder of Tesla, speculates that self-driving cars will turn out to be a lot safer than cars with outmoded human drivers.

"In the distant future, (legislators) may outlaw driven cars because they're too dangerous."

Will the day arrive
When we are deprived
Of the right to drive?

Will they try to steal
The steering wheel
From your automobile?

St. Paddy's Day Wishes

I hope your day was filled with cheer,
but please steer clear of all green beer.

Common Sense Censorship

When framing a certain amendment, namely the very first,

Why didn't they make an exception - for statements that make my brain burst?

I'll be the Supreme Justice, and only ban the worst. 

Really, you can trust me, few will be coerced. 

Where's Vladimir?

Putin is sort of missing -
he's off the public stage.
I'm thinking "another facelift" -
to hide advancing age.

Color Me Forgetful

Two weeks ago I lost this set of keys on the lawn in front of the vet. Distracted by my puppy, I apparently dropped them without even realizing I had done so.

I didn't find them until today, even though I had gone back several times to look for them. Why was I successful today? Because the snow was finally gone!

But what I want to mention is that I couldn't recall the color of that red and black carabiner thing. I kept thinking that it was either red or blue, but I wasn't sure which. What I've decided, over the years, is that I have a bad memory for colors, particularly if I haven't thought consciously about the color of something.

I don't really have trouble distinguishing colors. I pass color blindness tests.

But for some reason I don't understand at all,
I have trouble with color recall.

PS: Before I was seven, I saw a peeping tom out one of our apartment windows. A guy with a ladder in our back yard. I started talking to him, out the window, and he left in a hurry. The police questioned me about the color of his clothes, and I had no idea. I remember thinking what a poor witness I made.

Pi Day

The celebration may be international
But the object clearly is irrational.
I cannot understand this overreaction
Regarding the failure to compute a fraction.
I fear these mathematicians have gone mental,
Thinking mere reason can grasp what's transcendental.

The Emperor of the Moon

I saw an interesting English Restoration farce tonight, The Emperor of the Moon, by Aphra Behn, who seems to be regarded as the first important female playwright, in English anyway. Back when I was in college, no one paid her any attention, or at least I don't recall hearing of her, but in the intervening years she has risen to some prominence.

I wasn't crazy about the production, but perhaps they did the best with what they had, and it did give me a chance to see the play "up on its feet". The central character is a gullible astronomer, led astray by his belief that there are inhabitants on the moon. He is taught a lesson by suitors of his daughter and niece, who pretend to be royalty from the moon in order to win the young women's hands. It certainly had its laugh-out-loud moments, which, after 300 years, is pretty good.

The moon has much magic to give,
but lacks a good place to live.

Rarely to Return

A local political gossip columnist has the scoop - the Obamas aren't coming back to Chicago. Her story is based on inside sources.

“I don’t think the emotional tie to Chicago is what it once was. Perhaps not sophisticated enough.”

I'm not sure the emotional tie to Chicago was ever all that strong. The moment he got in the White House, they were gone. They didn't come back here to vacation. They went to Hawaii for that. I've been predicting for a while that they wouldn't move back here. They seem to like the world of glamor and A-list celebrities, and that's not our specialty.

He's not really "from" here anyway. I know a lot of conservatives have labored to label him as a Chicago-way Machine Politician, but that's never really what he was. He dealt with those people, but he wasn't exactly one of them.

When you're enamored
of world-class glamor
Chicago must seem like a smack with a hammer.

Rehearsal Two

Coming soon: The Devilish Children, by Jeremy Menekseoglu, presented at Dream Theatre.

I have a part to play.

"Set in a children's school for manners in a dark corner of a German fable, THE DEVILISH CHILDREN (AND THE CIVILIZING PROCESS) teaches Little Karl (age 3) all the lessons a young boy needs to know to grow up to be a fine gentleman. Perhaps Little Karl is truly learning instead, to become a teuflische kind."

Devilish Children, confab number two,
Occurs tonight. The goal: a shared construction
Of what this world is. Both cast and crew
Will ponder visions conjured by deduction,
From studying our roles within the script.
Having a part lends focus to the mind;
You notice things that might indeed have slipped
Right by you, unless you're the one assigned
To speak the words or take an action, then
You stand in those imaginary shoes,
And mull what it might mean exactly when
Time rolls around and you must choose or lose.
By steps we prep an overarching frame.
Children at play have always done the same.

DST

I'm glad we're saving daylight. Where's the bank?
I'd like to see the vault with all the rays
That we've collected, and I'd like to thank
The guards for making sure the sunlight stays
Exactly where we put it, stored with love,
In jars of gold that hide an inner glow.
Light falls upon us from the sun above,
We lock it tight in safety vaults below.
Or is this all a sham? How do we save
By fiddling with the hours on our clocks?
Did April Fools come early? And who gave
Orders to "spring" BEFORE the equinox?
The radio alarm is sounding early,
And I go stumbling forth all hurly-burly.

Groggy

Heading into work,

lost a library book on the way. 

Inventor of daylight savings is the jerk,

who made me dumber today.

Bad Call

"MARCH 6--An Ohio man called 911 to report that his wife had stolen his cocaine, according to cops who subsequently arrested him on drug and other charges."

Be an intelligent bloke,
and don't buzz the fuzz
when your wife steals your coke!

Five Finger Discount-Taker

When shoplifting is your habit,

You don't just buy stuff, you grab it. 

Safari Park

A drive in a Safari Park is sure to give a view
Of lions just outside your car, that look right back at you.
Cats have a gift for opening all sorts of things, I hear,
So maybe lock your auto doors before you get too near,
Or you may find that when the felines send out for dessert,
That you are on the menu for a world full of hurt.

When 117 Years Seems Short

On her birthday: "World's oldest person says 117 years seems short"

The world's oldest living human being
Declared that life had gone by rather quickly.
When she looks back, is it a blur she's seeing?
Would it seem slower if she had been sickly?

Compared to other animals, our span
Of days runs fairly long. It's not the shortest,
Although it's true our days are briefer than
The days belonging to the giant tortoise.

I reason that if we could banish aging,
Sooner or later we'd die of other causes,
Meteors, earthquakes, wildfires raging,
At last would blast us to our final pauses.

Find what's worthwhile for you, and do not worry
Too much that it will go by in a hurry.

Rules About Email

Rules about email are a deadly bore,

They tell you that you need to keep a trail

Of everything you send, but, hey, what for?

Sometimes you'd rather that the backups fail!

Sometimes you slip and put something in writing 

That some outsider might misunderstand,

Reporters claim they've got dirt that's exciting,

They say the smoking gun is in your hand!

Privacy is a normal human need. 

Who wants to feel strange eyes over your shoulder?

No wonder politicians often plead

That off-the-record statements can be bolder. 

But citizens are nosy and insist

On checking your entire mailing list!

Clintonemail.com

I am stunned:

"The New York Times reports that Hillary Clinton used only her personal email address while serving as Secretary of State."

This seems to be against the rules, but quite premeditated.

However this comment at Gizmodo seems right:

"Even more interesting will be hearing the explanation. Surely there is one."

I'm not saying we will hear the true and complete explanation. But surely her team has one ready!

Perhaps the rules don't apply
when you are sufficiently high.

Some Sonnets Do Not Use The Letter X

Some sonnets do not use the letter X.  

No maps are mentioned where "X marks the spot."

No films are featured with "X-rated sex."

An "ex who lives in Texas"? I think not!

X flashes the allure of the unknown,

The algebraic problem to be solved. 

Poor Y may get an axis of its own,

But not the fame, though equally involved. 

X penetrates mere visual appearance,

Its rays reveal the bone beneath the skin,

To verify your skeletal coherence,

Or check your teeth for cavities within. 

One final fact which made my mind perplex:

Its shape is all concave and no convex. 

He Said "Live Long and Prosper"

He said "Live long and prosper," and he did.
Somebody wrote those lines for him, but he
Delivered them so perfectly that we
Accepted him as Spock. But was he hid?
Held down beneath a pressure cooker lid?
He wrote "I am not Spock," but came to see
The role affected how he chose to be:
More logical, less driven by his id.
An actor can get tangled in his role.
He searches for an inner motivation,
He strives to grasp an overarching goal,
That gives his character an explanation.
He ends by finding something in his soul
That springs unbidden, beyond expectation.

Net Neutrality

I'm not sure what to say re: net neutrality.
Does it imply the net is getting neutered?
I hear it's coming to my net locality,
And fear that soon I will get over-tutored
In detailed rulings from the FCC
On what is fair and square and - what is not.
The lawyers should be filled with ecstasy
To think of all the suits that will be brought.
I know that DARPA helped start up this party.
I stand in awe at just how well it works.
But will the net remain this hale and hearty,
Or will it be chained down by bossy jerks?
I do not mean to overrate the scariness,
But common sense suggests some watchful wariness.

Snowy States Cause Longer Slumbers

"People in snowier states appear to sleep for a little longer during winter months than those in sunnier states, according to a recent analysis of data from a popular sleep tracking app."

The news is: snowy states cause longer slumbers.
It's scientific, measured with an app,
With lots of quite impressive sounding numbers,
And best of all, a multicolored map!

I cannot say that this result is shocking.
If you have ever burrowed in your bed,
Because the Brrr is something you are blocking,
You know you faced the dawning day with dread.

Who wants to wake up just to see the dark?
Who jumps up eager just to feel a chill?
Who wants to go out jogging in the park?
Around this time of year I've had my fill!

In my next life, I plan to be a bear
And snore for three whole months inside my lair.

Some Sonnets Do Not Use The Letter Z

Some sonnets do not use the letter Z. 

It's E Z to avoid, that much is true. 

Unless you're writing sympathetically 

About the plight of zebras in a zoo. 

The sound of Z is quite another matter. 

When S getz added to the end of wordz,

It often sounds like Z in standard chatter. 

Our spelling system's strictly for the birds!

And if your accent leans toward the French,

Why, zen zee problem will be even worse.

So put the letter Z upon the bench,

But let its sound play freely through your verse.

Though forced to always trail behind the rest,

Z tries to catch up with a burst of zest. 

Watching The Western Sky

I watch as Venus hovers in the sky.
I know she orbits slowly round the sun.
I know her surface temperature would fry
My body like a steak that's too well done.

The Evening Star has always made a show -
Heavenly beauty, simple and sublime.
But don't you think it's rather strange to know,
What no one ever knew, for all Earth's time?

I'm grateful for the gift of living now,
In this bold age of far flung sensory probes,
Which let us see in vivid detail how
Things really are on all our neighbor globes.

The Roman goddess may be dead and gone.
But science, and its sense of awe, live on.

Weirdness

Ice balls hanging on utility lines

Alien invaders creeping up electric spines. 

The Chore That Works Your Core

A gym is just fine, as far as it goes,

But the very best workout arrives when it snows. 

And no it's not skiing that meets my approval. 

I'm speaking instead of the white stuff's removal. 

It may in fact kill you by wrecking your heart,

And if you are worried, please don't even start. 

But what doesn't kill you, could make you much stronger,

So I go on shoveling a little bit longer,

Helping my neighbors get rid of their snow.  

But this year in Boston - hey - where can it go?

It's piled all over with no end in sight,

In street corner mountains of dizzying height. 

I know we must play with the cards we are dealt,

But dear weather gods, won't you make this junk melt?

The Naked Ape

Lacking a mammal's normal coat of fur,

The species was nicknamed the naked ape,

But paradoxically they do prefer

To keep their bare-skinned bodies mostly draped. 

Some nudists walk among them, it is true,

And in the summer, on the beach you'll find

They get quite close to naked - yes they do -

But get too naked and you might be fined. 

In northern climes, when winter's in the air,

A snowstorm on your bare form is the worst. 

There are some Finns who will take up the dare,

But they warm up inside a sauna first. 

The nickname's catchy, but, who would have guessed?

The naked ape is almost always dressed!

Praying

I came across a funny quote, from the National Review, that rang true:

"In Washington, they are practically praying for a Christian terrorist."

In the old lists of logical fallacies, there was one called "Tu Quoque," aka the "you too" fallacy. In other words, "Your religion has terrorists too! Get off your high horse!" Recent examples are better, of course. The I.R.A. was so last century, and perhaps more nationalist than primarily Roman Catholic.

It's hard to find examples with equivalent ferocity
To the ISIS bastards with their taste for grim atrocity.

Some Sonnets Do Not Use The Letter Q

Some sonnets do not use the letter Q.
They take a pass on posing weighty questions,
And seek for somewhat simpler things to do,
Like bundling forth a bunch of bland suggestions.

So when you see a sonnet that is Q-less,
Withhold your judgment. Don't assume too much.
Perhaps the poet isn't fully clueless,
But merely getting old and out of touch.

I'd say that Q is way too co-dependent,
Refusing to go walking without U.
If Q commits a crime the co-defendant
Is bound to be... well, surely U know who.

Besides all this, there is no need for Q.
We could get by with K and W.

Some Sonnets Do Not Use The Letter J

Some sonnets do not use the letter J.
They do not speak of jealousy or justice.
And if they specify a summer's day,
They mean the month that's named after Augustus.

Or if the season that we may behold
Is one associated with Kris Kringle,
You may hear sleigh bells ringing through the cold,
But never will the poet say they jingle.

It really isn't right to ban a letter.
It's bad enough that G steals half J's work.
For instance, jentle really would look better.
G, when you think about it, is a gerk.

If G would spend less time in mocking J,
English phonics would face a brighter day.

Offensive to Left and Right

Haven't seen it, haven't read it, and I'm evidently not the target audience. But I am amused by the way that Fifty Shades Of Grey is hated by pundits of all political stripes.

The left hates it because it fetishizes traditional gender roles. The right hates it because it assaults traditional gender roles.

And altogether too many women love it because it gets them hot and bothered.

I've heard the book is poorly written, but that is obviously beside the point.

People don't mostly read novels
to savor the artful prose.
It's more about the characters
and where their story goes.

Reminding Her Of Someone

I don't usually read the Harvard Law Review, but Ann Althouse had this great quotation:

"I recently assisted a young man who was subjected by administrators at his small liberal arts university in Oregon to a month-long investigation into all his campus relationships, seeking information about his possible sexual misconduct in them (an immense invasion of his and his friends’ privacy), and who was ordered to stay away from a fellow student (cutting him off from his housing, his campus job, and educational opportunity) — all because he reminded her of the man who had raped her months before and thousands of miles away. He was found to be completely innocent of any sexual misconduct and was informed of the basis of the complaint against him only by accident and off-hand. But the stay-away order remained in place, and was so broadly drawn up that he was at constant risk of violating it and coming under discipline for that."

The article is written by a woman law prof, and is written from a feminist point of view, but the author takes the issue of fairness to the accused very seriously.

She walks through the sort of hard cases,
that a sexual assault investigator actually faces.

V Day

Wore a red shirt to yoga. Spotted Venus in the sky. These weren't conscious Valentine decisions. But was subliminal awareness the reason why?

Cold Conflict

Greg Pratt digs up another great story from his south suburban news beat:

'A 64-year old Tinley Park man threatened to "spit on" and "fight" a village public works snowplow driver while making "a karate-style motion" during a dispute, according to a police report.'

Karate versus man driving snow plow?
Do not try it - no way no how!

Sideways Facing Dog

Lacking a pillow, she rests her head
on a food bowl, instead.

Windows Craziness

Excuse me while I rant about computers.

A Windows 7 pc had some kind of overnight update, maybe this one?, and wouldn't reboot in the morning.

The pc didn't present Safe Mode as an option, but did offer the services of Windows Startup Repair, which looked pretty fancy, but which did not work. Even when Startup Repair tried to do a restore from the last good install, it would not work. And it couldn't diagnose what was wrong either.

So I looked up how to force it to go into Safe Mode - hold down the F8 key - and it booted right up into Safe Mode, and then when it was rebooted it was fine. It's running fine now. Somehow booting in Safe Mode just fixed it.

Now, booting into Safe Mode often does "just fix boot problems somehow". It always has. It's a standard behavior for the operating system. Indeed, that's why I tried it.

But I was really stunned that Safe Mode, on its own, did a better job than "Startup Repair". Why didn't they just build a "Safe Mode Reboot" into "Startup Repair"?

I'm sure there's a logical explanation
but it runs counter to expectation.

Degrees

Having a job and rehearsing a play and dealing with a puppy have made me, I notice, a bit remiss in truly meeting the "rhyme of the day" standard.

But I do see that the press and the Democrats have begun nipping at the heels of Scott Walker, governor of Wisconsin and Republican presidential wanna-be. And one main line of attack is: he didn't finish college.

He got married and got a job in his senior year.

Howard Dean called him unknowledgeable, linking his lack of a degree with some hedging statement he made about the theory of evolution.

Dean: "Because evolution is a widely accepted scientific construct, and people who don’t believe in evolution either do it for hard right religious reasons or because they don’t know anything."

Actually, that's pretty mealy-mouthed too. Construct? Pretty widely accepted? I'm not sure that Dean is sufficiently committed to "evolution as a hard fact"!

As a person who barely got his degree,
which focused on plays and poetry,
and not a class of biology,
I resent the idea that college
is necessary for knowledge.

The Crucible Heats Up

Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, at 7:30 pm, you can see me acting as the second-banana judge in Arthur Miller's classic play about the Salem Witch Trials: The Crucible.

Come hang out and watch our play.
You can enjoy it any witch way.

Boston Snow

I see where the Bean Town T is closing for a snow day. 

I don't think we have EVER done that here in the Windy City. Not the whole mass transit system. Not for a whole day. 

Rails that keep running,

It's one of the perks

Of regarding this place

As the city that works. 

Anachronistic Selfie

Puritanical and more than a tad tyrannical. 

Unhoppy Event

The service animal scam, er, oppression, continues:

"A Wisconsin woman was kicked out of McDonald’s last week after another customer complained about her therapy pet – a kangaroo."

If have a pet kangaroo,
and it's therapeutic for you,
but McDonald's demands that you shoo,
what's left to do but sue?

How dare they!
Make them pay!
Make them rue the day!

Zero F

Where do the squirrels hide, when it's this cold outside? Even with those with furry faces, scurry and skulk to warmer places.

Ginkgo Stinko

What if lots of herbal remedies, didn't even contain the herbs on the label?

"A warning to herbal supplement users: Those store-brand ginkgo biloba tablets you bought may contain mustard, wheat, radish and other substances decidedly non-herbal in nature, but they’re not likely to contain any actual ginkgo biloba."

The accusation comes from the NY state attorney general's office. They say they did DNA testing to see what was actually in the pills.

Did the lawmen make a mistake,
or are the pills just fake?

He's Tired Of It

A groundhog on a round log said he doesn't scare when his shadow's there, it's a dumb myth that he's done with.

Storm Crawls, Snow Falls

We had, are still having, a semi-blizzard. I say semi because I've seen plenty worse around here. So I shoveled a lot of snow today. Shoveled out my house, and my dad's house, both of which are corner houses with big yards, meaning lots of extra sidewalk to clear.

A friend from across the street cautioned against overdoing it today. "It's heart-attack snow," he said, with somber earnestness. He's right, it was heavy snow, the stressful kind, the kind that brings on heart attacks. But my heart seems to be okay. I got quite the workout.

Clearing the snow away from your hovel,
is just like a marathon, but with a shovel.